Jerry Lewis goes off on Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton
September 2nd, 2010 by Scott Marks
It must be Labor Day because Punxsutawney Jerry Lewis poked his head out of the ground and scared his shadow. This can only be looked upon as a good sign. Had Jerry not emerged with a pre-Telethon rave out it would have meant less time for him on this year’s Extra Special Special. This dressing down indicates that he’s pissed and raring to go. My guess is this year we can expect eight, maybe nine hours of Jerry live.
So what’s has Jerry’s panties in a bunch? At a time when he should be taking to the airwaves to promote a message of health and compassion, Jerry is flapping his false teeth over the behavior of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. According to JL, LiLo and Paris deserve nothing more that a slap across their mouths and a smack to their behinds. (They’d probably enjoy the latter.) Jerry acknowledges that their behavior constitutes little more than a cry for help, but where was he when his drug addicted son Joe needed his help? When last I checked Jerry Lewis never won any father-of-the-year awards. Is it because Jerry finally notched a daughter to his family belt that he suddenly feels the need to be so protective of the fairer sex?
It’s not just Jerry. The douchebags at “Inside Edition’ share the blame for making this non-item their lead story and giving The Telethon short shrift. Let’s just hope that Jerry has saved a few outrageous comments for hour 19.
BTW, be sure and check back this Sunday for an Extra Special Meltdown from 1985 when JL asked coke addicts to put down their spoons long enough to give to his kids.
Tags: Jerry Lewis, labor day, Lindsay Lohan, lindsay lohan and paris hilton, mda telethon 2010, panties in a bunch, paris hilton, Telethon, The Jerry Lewis MDA TelethonShare: 
Review: MACHETE / Robert Rodriguez & Ethan Maniquis (2010)
September 1st, 2010 by Scott Marks
Jeff Fahey and Robert DeNiro
Machete (2010)
Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis
Written by Robert Rodriguez and Álvaro Rodríguez
Starring: Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Robert DeNiro, Jeff Fahey, Don Johnson, Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Tom Savini and Steven Seagal as a Mexican
Photographed by Jimmy Lindsey
Edited by Rebecca Rodriguez
Running Time: 105 min.
Rating: 
There are a few spoilers along the way. You’ve been warned!
Attention action fans who have shelled out many a hard earned dollar this summer only to be rewarded by a barren crop of blockbusters. The draught is finally over! If you learned the hard way that “The Expendables” was or found Scott Pilgrim’s efforts to take on the world feeble at best and “Red” little more than a comic book for the Depends set (Senior Con?), be prepared for a truly kick-ass moviegoing experience.
“Machete” is based on one of the numerous bogus coming attractions director Robert Rodriguez filmed for his “Planet Terror” segment of “Grindhouse.” The ersatz trailer about a renegade Mexican federale features Danny Trejo, Jeff Fahey and Cheech Marin all of whom reprise their roles in the feature. If “Planet Terror” was an unconvincing endeavor to replicate the mood and style of ‘70s schlock, “Machete” is the director’s Master’s Thesis on the subject. This time Rodriguez and company do something more than just Xerox conventions and hair styles. In one film they establish their own genre – Mexploitation – while assigning long overdue leading man status (and top billing) to Danny Trejo, one of Hollywood’s most rugged and dependable character actors.
The film falls short of affording Trejo the same reverential treatment Quentin Tarantino (who also produced “Machete”) gave Pam Grier in “Jackie Brown,” but let’s be honest: Ms. Grier is an actress, Trejo is a force best used in small doses. After this, he probably has more screen time in the overlooked teen comedy “Bubble Boy” than any of his action features. Trejo stands around five-foot-six, has a complexion that resembles a shar-pei dartboard, tresses that are everlastingly a quart low and a voice as mellifluous as the sound of wind whistling through a beer can on a deserted sand dune. Trejo is about as far from a matinee idol as anyone this side of Shemp Howard, yet before the final fade the script calls for him to bed three of Hollywood’s hottest: Jessica Alba (immigration customs agent), Michelle Rodriguez (freedom fighter/taco vendor) and Lindsay Lohan (slut). He should blow Robert Rodriguez in Macy’s window.
There is probably a good cross section of Americans who will look upon the LiLo scenes as documentary footage. (They were filmed in a scant three days.) As the daughter of a corrupt businessman (Fahey) who would like nothing more than to move their relationship to the next level, Lohan appears eager to add more fuel to her already blazing reputation. Her meth-snorting heiress runs an adult website, engages in a three-way with mom and Machete and I’d bet anything that it was her idea to add cutters’ hash marks around her wrists. If America is already deemed a drug addled whore why not play the part to the hilt?
Not unlike his American International and Canon Films ancestors, Machete is a man of few words and flinty-eyed reserve (Trejo brilliantly mimics Charles Bronson’s lone facial expression) who is resourceful enough to transform any sharpened object into a weapon of death. His character could have just as easily been nicknamed Corkscrew, Cleaver or Meat Thermometer, three kitchen utensils our hero readily employs as a means of defense.
There is a gag in which Machete uses a bad guy’s intestinal tract – much like a convict would use a fire hose or tied up bed sheets – to make an escape. It will undoubtedly be the most talked about scene in the movie, but it is my duty to put you colon purists on the right tract by directing your attention to John Carpenter’s “Cigarette Burns.” Who will ever forget Udo Kier pulling a cecum desist by threading his large intestine through a 35mm projector?
Continue reading Review: MACHETE / Robert Rodriguez & Ethan Maniquis (2010)
Tags: cecum, Character Actor, Cigarette Burns, danny trejo, director robert rodriguez, eddie munster, GRINDHOUSE, jeff fahey, Jessica Alba, john carpenter, Mexican, NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, original machete trailer, planet terror, Robert DeNiro, Robert Rodriguez, roger corman, shemp howard, steven seagal, The Expendables, tom saviniShare:
Filed Under Reviews, Theatrical
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