THE DUKES OF HAZZARD / Jay Chandrasekhar (2005)

July 9th, 2005 by Scott Marks

Jay Chandrasekhar’s THE DUKES OF HAZZARD (2005)

The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

Directed by: Jay Chandrasekhar

Written by: John O’Brien, John O’Brien

Cast: Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott, Alice Greczyn, Steve Lemme, Michael Weston, Mitch Braswell, Michael Roof, Jessica Simpson, Rusty Tennant, Dolan Wilson, James Roday, Heather Hemmens, David Leitch, A.J. Foyt IV, M.C. Gainey

Aspect Ratio: 2.35 : 1

Running Time: 106 min.

Genres: Action, Adventure, Comedy

Rating:

During the compulsory closing credit blooper reel The Dukes of Hazard’s reason d’etre is finally given utterance. Joe Don Baker, veteran star of Southern-fried seventies classics Walking Tall and Framed, blames a blown take on Jessica Simpson’s “titties.”

What reason, other than the juvenile promise of Ms. Simpson’s pulchritude, can there be for watching this network slobber given a big screen makeover? Did drooling retardates across America start a letter scribbling campaign? A die hard Jackass fan, even I didn’t feel the need to see Johnny Knoxville stretch. Perhaps the “director” had embarrassing, blackmail-worthy Polaroids of Warner Bros. studio heads frolicking naked with Cub Scouts.

As updated by series creator/writer/rocket scientist Gy Waldron, not much has changed. Brothers Bo (Sean William Scott) and Luke Duke (Knoxville) run moonshine through the backroads of Kentucky in the General Lee, a DayGlo-orange ‘69 Dodge Charger complete with optional roof-sized confederate flag.

A credit scene smile: Bo adoringly plays his beloved General Al Unser’s autobiography on tape as read by Lawrence Fishburne. It was the only time, other than to yawn, my mouth moved.

In 2005, the motivation for all this running around is to sabotage Boss Hogg’s (Burt Reynolds) money making scheme to convert Hazard County into the coal mining capitol of America. Reynolds feigns comic relief while MTV automaton Jessica Simpson stuffs her (aerosol) tan legs into those famed hillbilly hot pants. Ms. Simpson takes to acting like a placemat does trout fishing.

Not wanting to limit the monotony to Hazard County, the boys drive Lee to Georgia where a group of urban youth take exception to the car’s white, blue and redneck roof decal. At least this time around Waldron makes it a point to acknowledge the flag’s racist overtones. Instead of having the boys remove it, the filmmakers milk a few cheap laughs while pretending to pass judgment on its anachronistic presence.

The bitterest pill to swallow has nothing to do with Dukes or Dodges. Believe it or don’t, there was a period (before the box office success of Smokey and the Bandit transformed Burt Reynolds into a very wealthy punch-line) where he seemed logical heir-apparent to the Cary Grant throne. Call me crazy, but this guy had a deft touch for light comedy. No matter how many legitimate performances followed (Starting Over, Breaking In, Boogie Nights), Reynolds was never able to shake the stigma attached to his sh*t-kicker cycle. In both this and The Longest Yard remake he barely seems to be in on what little jokes there are.

Director Jay Chandrasekhar (the auteurd behind Super Troopers and Club Dread) was fortunate that his second unit crew delivered a couple of reasonably enjoyable rack and pinion chase scenes. Who’d have dreamt that Cannonball Run II would one day prove to be a source of wistful nostalgia? Mr. Sinatra’s dishrag toupee brought more unintentional yucks than anything on display here.