AQUAMARINE / Elizabeth Allen (2006)
February 10th, 2006 by Scott Marks
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Aquamarine (2006)
Directed by: Elizabeth Allen
Written by: John Quaintance, Jessica Bendinger
Genres: Teen Comedy, Mermaid, Family, Fantasy
Cast: Emma Roberts, Joanna ‘JoJo’ Levesque, Sara Paxton, Jake McDorman, Arielle Kebbel, Claudia Karvan, Bruce Spence, Tammin Sursok, Roy Billing, Julia Blake, Shaun Micallef, Lulu McClatchy, Natasha Cunningham, Dichen Lachman, Lincoln Lewis
Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1
What do you get when you cross a female Spin and Marty with Flipper? Well, aside from an aneurism there’s Aquamarine.
In the worst tradition of sixties live-action Disney comes this flimsy kidpic about a mermaid who aids of a couple of teenage girls (Emma Roberts and JoJo Levesque) after a storm plants her in their beach club swimming pool. In order to establish Emma as the nerdier of the two girls, she wears Coke-bottle glasses which magically vanish after the first scene. Stretch Reese Witherspoon on a rack until she morphs into Paris Hilton and you’ll have Sara Paxton as the title character.
Aqua instantly falls for Raymond (Jake McDorman) and has three days to get him to proclaim undying love before her father forces a return home. According to this film, a mermaid may only sport human legs during daylight hours and even a drop of water will turn her back. This doesn’t stop her from taking a paddle boat ride.
Badly directed and hideously photographed, if the goal is to egg on retardation in your children, Aquamarine comes highly recommended.
Rating: 
Filed Under Reviews, Theatrical
THE PINK PANTHER / Shawn Levy (2006)
February 9th, 2006 by Scott Marks
The Pink Panther (2006)
Directed by: Shawn Levy
Written by: Len Blum, Steve Martin
Genres: Comedy, Crime, Mystery, Remake
Cast: Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer, Henry Czerny, Kristin Chenoweth, Roger Rees, Beyoncé Knowles, Phillip Goodwin, Henri Garcin, William Abadie, Daniel Sauli, Jean Dell, Anna Katarina, Nick Toren
Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1
Running Time: 91 min.
Always the first to carp about remaking good movies, imagine my shock and glee to report that, while it doesn’t come close to matching the madcap majesty of Blake Edwards’ best, the laughs were consistent.
Blake Edwards masterminded the popular series in 1963 and wrote and directed all but two of the seven sequels. Mr. Edwards is credited, but had no hand in PP ‘06’s creative process, which is probably a good thing. The first four Panther films were all artistic and financial successes. Peter Sellers was peerless as the ridiculously self-confident, selectively-thinking inspector. When he died in 1980, Edwards refused to let Closeau go with him. The series hit rock bottom with the ghoulish Trail of the Pink Panther that resurrected Sellers through outtakes and deleted scenes from previous versions. Subsequent attempts to pumpfresh life into the franchise proved unwatchable.
Steve Martin and co-writer Len Blum (Stripes, Private Parts) designed a prequel and instead of simply tracing the original, PP 06 gets its laughs by playing off its predecessor’s strengths. PP 63’s funniest gag, in which Sellers topples after resting his palm on a whirling globe, is given an almost equally rib-tickling spin. Seller’s fractured French accent is present, but his habit of turning “gold bowls” into “gild balls” is only once hinted at as Martin forges his own inappropriate inflections.
Next to Sellers, one the Panther films most essential ingredients is tortuous physical pain inflicted upon any and all characters, and there is no shortage of it here. Inspector Closeau was born hot on the heels of From Russia with Love’s release and the Kennedy assassination, and at their best, the series captured that shadowy transition period between Camelot’s innocence and the aggressive cynicism of 007. (A pistol marked “Sleeping Darts” has campy exposition written all over it.) The filmmakers acknowledge Closeau’s sixties box office rival by casting recently spurned 007 suitor Clive Owen as tuxedoed secret agent 006. Of the four replacement Closeaus (Alan Arkin, Ted Wass andthe indefensible Roberto Benigni also had their turns) Martin is the George Lazenby of the bunch. (From where I come from, that’s a compliment.) He obviously has profound affection for and appreciation of Edwards’ blueprint, and both his performance and screenplay pack a lot of laughs.
Not all of it connects. The third act gags become more disjointed and the curtain joke needed work. Director Shawn Levy is content to have fun. Second unit Paris looks lovely, but too often his pace and timing lag behind Martin’s performance. Think of all the brilliant comedians forced to work with lead-footed directors (A. Edward Sutherland, Norman Z. McLeod and the appropriately named Sam Wood come to mind) and you’ll realize that Martin & Levy are just another example of the actor as author.
I warn you, if you have zero tolerance for slapstick stay home and enjoy King of Queens. If you don’t go in expecting the robust flavor of the originals, this taste of pink might just tickle your nose.
Rating: 
Filed Under Reviews, Theatrical
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