AQUAMARINE / Elizabeth Allen (2006)

February 10th, 2006 by Scott Marks

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Aquamarine (2006)

Directed by: Elizabeth Allen

Written by: John Quaintance, Jessica Bendinger

Genres: Teen Comedy, Mermaid, Family, Fantasy

Cast: Emma Roberts, Joanna ‘JoJo’ Levesque, Sara Paxton, Jake McDorman, Arielle Kebbel, Claudia Karvan, Bruce Spence, Tammin Sursok, Roy Billing, Julia Blake, Shaun Micallef, Lulu McClatchy, Natasha Cunningham, Dichen Lachman, Lincoln Lewis

Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1

What do you get when you cross a female Spin and Marty with Flipper? Well, aside from an aneurism there’s Aquamarine.

In the worst tradition of sixties live-action Disney comes this flimsy kidpic about a mermaid who aids of a couple of teenage girls (Emma Roberts and JoJo Levesque) after a storm plants her in their beach club swimming pool. In order to establish Emma as the nerdier of the two girls, she wears Coke-bottle glasses which magically vanish after the first scene. Stretch Reese Witherspoon on a rack until she morphs into Paris Hilton and you’ll have Sara Paxton as the title character.

Aqua instantly falls for Raymond (Jake McDorman) and has three days to get him to proclaim undying love before her father forces a return home. According to this film, a mermaid may only sport human legs during daylight hours and even a drop of water will turn her back. This doesn’t stop her from taking a paddle boat ride.

Badly directed and hideously photographed, if the goal is to egg on retardation in your children, Aquamarine comes highly recommended.

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