AKELLAH AND THE BEE / Doug Atchison (2006)
April 22nd, 2006 by Scott Marks
Killer Bee
Akeelah and the Bee (2006)
Directed by: Doug Atchison
Written by: Doug Atchison
Genres: Drama
Cast: Keke Palmer, Laurence Fishburne, Angela Bassett, Curtis Armstrong, J.R. Villarreal, Sean Michael, Sahara Garey, Lee Thompson Young, Julito McCullum, Erica Hubbard, Eddie Steeples, Dalia Phillips, Tzi Ma, Jeris Poindexter, Sara Niemietz
Aspect Ratio: 2.35 : 1
Running Time: 121 min.
The independent documentary Spellbound inexplicably captured the hearts of the middle-class. Soon after, ESPN began prime time broadcasts of spelling bee championships. (Were there Vegas odds on the kids?) If The Exorcist can spawn Abby and The Godfather beget Disco Godfather, why shouldn’t contemporary black filmmakers cash in on a killer bee craze? What’s next? Kung-fu Scrabble? Inuit Perquackey?
Jews were first to hop on the cinematic bandwagon with Bee Season. Why is okay for goyisha kup Richard Gere to play a Jew? Audiences would have rioted had he undertaken Larry Fishburne’s role as Akeelah’s coach in blackface. Just keepin’ it real.
With the exception of Keke Palmer’s breakthrough performance as Akeelah, there is nothing even remotely unique about the picture. Akeelah and her friends all speak a compulsory style of Hollywood ebonics so that coach Fishburne, over enunciating in a manner that makes James Earl Jones sound like Georgie Jessel, can later rid her of the habit.
Akkelah’s mom tells her to turn off the TV during dinner. Her brother asks Akeelah to flip to ESPN for him to check a score. Wouldn’t you know it? Instead of a football game, the spelling bee championships just happen to be on. Don’t you hate when an unskilled screenwriter has to rely on cutting to a TV screen at just the right moment to help advance the plot?
What about spelling coaches with dead daughters finding students with dead fathers to mutually feed off of? Do you smell that? It’s the stench of an ABC Sunday Night Movie burning through the screen. The only trick director Atchison missed was having the bee unite Fishburne and Basset in happily-ever-after-hood. They made a much better Ike and Tina Turner. Someone should re-dub the dialogue from What’s Love Got to Do With It under this. When Akeelah sloughs off at the beginning, intercut the shot of Ike saying, “Girl, you got more excuses than a nigga’ on his way to jail.” You can see what I was thinking about in order to pass time and get through this.
As reported on imdb.com, during a Q&A at the Tribeca Film Festival, a brave audience member had the fortitude to call Atchison out on the film’s haphazard editing style, particularly the numerous forced transition shots. Atchison did what any lightweight filmmaker would have done in a similar situation. He blamed the projectionist for sloppy reel changes.
Starbucks bankrolled the muddy brew. Can you spell VINEGAR MACCHIATO? I was embarrassed to be holding a cup of their product during the screening. If they dispensed coffee as poorly as they greenlight well-intentioned film projects, rest room walls across America would be coated with projectile crappucino.
People who never watch films made before 1990 and/or children under the age of eight will probably find Akeelah refreshingly contrivance-free. The power of Oprah will compel her zombies to dutifully buy tickets. Give me “Stick It’s” anti-competitive sports message any day!
Rating: 
Filed Under Reviews, Theatrical
STICK IT / Jessica Bendinger (2006)
April 21st, 2006 by Scott Marks
Stick It (2006)
Directed by: Jessica Bendinger
Written by: Jessica Bendinger
Genres: Comedy, Drama, Sport
Cast: Jeff Bridges, Missy Peregrym, Vanessa Lengies, Nikki SooHoo, Maddy Curley, Kellan Lutz, John Patrick Amedori, Mio Dzakula, Svetlana Efremova, Jon Gries, Gia Carides, Tarah Paige, Polly Holliday, Julie Warner, Annie Corley
Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1
Running Time: 105 min.
If you have zero tolerance for teen no-brainers, keep clicking. If not, you just may have some dumb fun at the movies.
On paper, Stick It had the makings of just about everything wrong with contemporary cinema. You have a major actor (Jeff Bridges) claiming to have accepted the role because he thought his three daughters would like it. (Hopefully it had more to do with the enormous paycheck attached.) Critics are forced to develop a tolerance for teen comedies, but for every 10 Things I Hate About You or Slackers, you have to crawl through hours of apoplectic sludge like Date Movie or Waiting.
Most damning of all, this is one of those sports films in which participants train for a last-reel competition. Stick It is basically a reworking of Million Dollar Baby without all the death and dismemberment. Cast a bankable elder statesman opposite a Hilary Swank lookalike (Missy Peregrym), substitute gymnastics for boxing and you have a hit.
Haley Graham (Peregrym) has a brush with the authorities for trashing a vacant house with her skateboarding cronies. It’s either Juvenile Hall or eat crow and take a stretch at a gym camp that she overtly abandoned years ago. Her coach is Burt Vickerman (Bridges), a smug, gum chewing huckster who claims to know what’s best for his kids while puffing up their parents with unattainable Olympic dreams.
First time director Jessica Bendiger wrote the script for the dopey box office hit Bring it On. She is a much more interesting director than writer. From the colorful opening credits, there is a sense of energy that she manages to maintain throughout the picture. Even though her characters are all one dimensional, Bridges and Peregrym come to her aid with credible performances.
The dialogue is wretched for the most part and poor Vanessa Lengies, the snooty one on the squad, is called upon to read a lot of lame one-liners. She does get off one shining delivery after noticing Missy talking with two male friends. Forced by a controlling mother to devote 100% of her life to her routines, she walks wide-eyed over to Peregrym and with awe-struck wonder asks, “You know boys?”
So if the script stinks and the story’s mediocre, why bother? There are a few lively CG enhanced musical numbers with overhead tributes to Busby Berkeley, and how can one help but laugh when they see a hip dude satirically sporting a “World’s Greatest Grandma” hat. Admittedly, the film could have withstood a bit more tomfoolery and a little less rigorous training.
What’s really different about this movie is its anti-competitive sports agenda. Bendinger sees through the hateful system of judging teens solely on their ability to shove a ball through a hoop and does a commendable job of hammering away at the petty conceit of “Elite Gymnasts.” Suffice it to say that this is not a film content to end in victory.
It is so seldom that a movie of this caliber even attempts a fresh message. Go in expecting flashy eye-candy and stay for the condemnation.
Rating: 
Filed Under Reviews, Theatrical
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