The Top Ten Similarities and Differences Between Lon Chaney & Dick Cheney

October 31st, 2007 by Scott Marks

1. Lon Chaney has a theater named for him in Colorado Springs. The Casper, Wyoming Federal Building in named after Dick Cheney.

2. According to imdb.com, “Lon’s father was the son of James L. Chaney and wife Caroline Uffner and grandson of John Chaney (1790-1881), US Congressman, Representative from Ohio, and wife Mary Ann Lafere, and was a distant relative of Dick Cheney.”

3. Lon played a ventriloquist in The Unholy Three. Dick never moves his lips when speaking and he works with a dummy.

4. Lon Chaney appeared in over one hundred silent films. Dick Cheney had a non-speaking role as a police official in Die Hard With a Vengeance.

5. Lon Chaney is revered by legions of horror film geeks. Dick Cheney is the poster boy for rich white guys.

6. Lon Chaney was known as “The Man of A Thousand Faces!” Dick Cheney is incapable of cracking a smile.

7. Lon Chaney loved killing off bottles of booze. Dick Cheney has the same affinity for killing off soldiers.

8. Lon is mentioned in Warren Zevon’s Werewolves of London. After Dick Cheney shot his friend during a quail hunt, people started singing Cheney’s Got a Gun.

9 . Lon’s son became a bloated rummy who appeared in countless Grade Z horror films. Mary Cheney is a lesbian.

10. Legend has it that Chaney was well endowed. Cheney is a big Dick.

Tags: Dick Cheney, Halloween, Lon Chaney

Filed Under Rants

This Year’s Halloween Costume of Choice: Rapper 25 Cent

October 31st, 2007 by Scott Marks

I cried because I had no shoes, ’till I met a man who had no legs…

Where’s Tod Browning when you need him? Happy Halloween, everybody!

Tags: Bobby Martin, Halloween, Hopelessly Bad Taste

Filed Under Image Blog, Rants

Dig a Hole: Robert Goulet Leaves Us In Autumn

October 30th, 2007 by Scott Marks

Robert Goulet’s quest for a replacement lung turned out to be an impossible dream.

Mr. Goulet died today at the age of 73.

Born in Canada, Goulet gained popularity in the fifties hosting his own show, General Electric’s Showtime. His good looks, rich baritone voice and Broadway debut in Camelot led to countless appearances on The Ed Sullivan Show where he became an overnight sensation in the States.

He fit the part of a matinee idol, but he couldn’t make it as one. After a couple of duds (Honeymoon Hotel for Metro and at Universal opposite Sandra Dee in I’d Rather Be Rich) Goulet’s performances over the next 15 years were relegated to nightclubs and the small screen.

Louis Malle’s casting of Goulet as “Himself” in Atlantic City was a stroke of genius. Long before the films of Zucker-Abrahms-Zucker transformed celebrity has beens into a cottage industry, Malle slyly played off the entertainer’s tuxedo-clad presence as a symbol of decay in an entertainment mecca.

Malle knew that Goulet had long ago mastered the art of sincere insincerity. As the wrecking ball levels a building, Bob’s snazzy rendition of the title tune ( I’m glad to see you’re born again, Atlantic City my old friend…), ironically highlights the blight.

And speaking of born again, Goulet did an abrupt about face in the 1980’s. After a highly public divorce from his second wife Carol Lawrence ended in cries of spousal abuse and a longstanding bout with the bottle, Goulet turned his life around by finding The Lord! Goulet could frequently be seen on talk shows sporting a crucifix around his neck bigger than the one Jesus was nailed to.

On one such occasion, Goulet joined Don Rickles, Tommy LaSorda and WLS-TV sportscaster Tim Weigel for a taping of Kup’s Show. Kup waited for the most inopportune moment to bring up the subject of alcoholism. With the panel and crew still cracking up from one of Rickles’ barbs, Kup turned to Goulet and said, “Robert, you’ve done a very great thing in your life, and it’s something you publicly espouse on. You stopped drinking.”

As the gang giggled on Goulet thanked Kup for acknowledging his struggle. Big boob Kup couldn’t take the hint. “Well, there must be more to it than that,” he blubbered.

“There is,” Goulet patiently replied, “but I choose not to talk about it.”

The laughter stopped.

In an attempt to smooth things over, bigger boob LaSorda shattered the silence with, “I had a player like that once. I never knew he was a drunk until the one day he showed up sober.”

Even a red hot Don Rickles failed to get a bigger laugh that night.

Tags: Obituary, Robert Goulet

Filed Under Obituaries

Souvenier Program Books for Roadshow Attractions: BEN-HUR, PORGY AND BESS, MARY POPPINS, FUNNY GIRL and more…

October 30th, 2007 by Scott Marks

All of these were purchased after the fact. Do you honestly think my parents were going to spring for something as worthless as a souvenir booklet? The high ticket price, popcorn and a Nedlog were bad enough!

While they may not have bought into the merchandising angle, to their credit, my parents did escort me to a lot of big ticket roadshow attractions. At least one Sunday a month they’d strap a suit and tie on me and steer our pink ‘54 Ford convertible to the Loop to catch a first-run feature.

Slacks and a shirt were okay for neighborhood theaters, but Sundays at the Roosevelt, McVickers, Chicago or State Lake were strictly dress up affairs. It was the closest I ever came to attending Church on Sunday. For this six-year-old kid, these picture palaces represented houses of worship with sermons delivered by John Wayne, Jerry Lewis and Hayley Mills.

The folks took me to Cinerama screenings of The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm, How the West Was Won and Circus World. I remember hearing the legendary audio “police calls” played during the intermission of a SuperPanavision 70 screening of It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.

Each time I combed the lobby in search of the bald, greasy-looking, cigar-chomping barker shouting “PUH-RO-GRAMS!” It was never meant to be. When it comes to program books, I exist solely on the throwaways of strangers.

Tags: BEN-HUR, Cinerama, CIRCUS WORLD, DOCTOR DOLITTLE, DOLLY!, EL CID, EXODUS, FUNNY GIRL, HELLO, HOW THE WEST WAS WON, KING OF KINGS, MARY POPPINS, MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY, PORGY AND BESS, Roadsow Program Book, THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF THE BROTHERS GRIMM

Filed Under Image Blog

Jerry Lewis makes his directorial debut with THE BELLBOY (1960)

October 30th, 2007 by Scott Marks

Jerry envisioned the family-friendly Cinderfella as a Christmas picture. The Paramount brass agreed, but were insistent on a July release date in order to ensure a Lewis picture on their summer roster.

Lewis had been itching to get in the director’s chair ever since he and Dean set foot on the backlot and saw this as his golden opportunity. If they wanted a Lewis summer smash they’d get a Lewis summer smash, only on one condition: a director’s credit.

He was scheduled to appear at Miami’s Fontainbleau Hotel and shot The Bellboy over the course of a brisk four weeks, filming by day and performing by night.

Say what you will about The Bellboy, it remains a landmark in cinema history. In order to expedite his shooting schedule, Jerry strapped a video camera to the 35mm Panaflex for instant playback. Video assist, as it has come to be known, is an industry standard used in the making of every major motion picture.

Not bad for a nine-year-old Idiot!

More Stills and Pressbook Clippings Here

Tags: Jerry Lewis, The Bellboy

Filed Under Image Blog