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Bob “For A Gay New Playtex Happy Pants Wardrobe” Hope

December 14th, 2007 by Scott Marks

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“This is Bob ‘Short Eyes’ Hope here to tell ya’ ’sex by year eight before it’s too late.’ How do you like these nubile toddlers, huh? They look like lawn jockeys from the Neverland Ranch. I wanna’ tell ya that nothing brings this old ski nose to attention quite like the smell of a dirty diaper, and I don’t mean Dolores’. And it’s a lot cheaper to hang reusable diapers around the fireplace than forking over dough for Christmas stockings you’ll only use once a year. Yeah, well, hey I gotta’ go now. I’ll be appearing at a Toys ‘R’ Us opening in Fort Wayne, Indiana this Friday then it’s off to Sioux City, Iowa for the annual gathering of the Horatio Alger chapter of NAMBLA. Merry Christmas, ladies and gentlemen. G’night.”

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Comments

2 Responses to “Bob “For A Gay New Playtex Happy Pants Wardrobe” Hope”

  1. Rob on December 14th, 2007 7:45 am

    “I’ll be appearing at a Toys ‘R’ Us opening in Fort Wayne, Indiana this Friday…”

    I knew that greeter at the door looked familiar - the golf club was a dead giveaway! Kept telling Spiro Agnew jokes…

    Come to think of it, that was Les Brown & His Band of Renown overstocking Hannah Montana microhone and jewelry sets!

    The woman working the return counter might have been Phyllis Diller - she had blonde scraggily hair and at least one facelift, but I didn’t see the three foot cigarette holder.

  2. Scott Marks on December 14th, 2007 12:16 pm

    And Bob’s writers were in the 15 items or less line. You keep your children away from that store. It’s a breeding ground for vile and pernicious behavior.

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