40 Movie Remakes Coming Soon to a Multiplex Near You?
March 25th, 2008 by Scott Marks
Everything old is new again as Hollywood continues to look to past triumphs hoping for future profits. If you must remake movies, at least chose bad ones to tamper with. The good news is that half the movies on this list qualify as stinkers. The awful truth is they are also planning remakes of The Birds, The Dirty Dozen, Battle Royale, The Taking of Pelham One Two Three and The Warriors, five films that are perfect as is.
Take heart. Not all of these will see the light of day.
Battle Royale
Kinji Fukasaku was 80 when he directed this exceptional update of Lord of the Flies. Forty-two trouble making ninth graders are armed, deposited on a deserted island and the last one standing wins. The film was a monster hit in Japan, but fear of Columbine clones kept it from ever being legally exhibited in the States. Producer Neal H. Moritz is currently attached to the project which is in the development stages.
The Shadow
The 1994 big screen version of Walter B. Gibson’s legendary pulp creation was originally set to be directed by Joe Dante. Russell Mulcahy replaced him and Alec Baldwin starred as Lamont Cranston. Even without Dante’s stylish touch it was a fairly enjoyable ride. Sam Raimi is producing the remake. The project is at the screenplay stage right now and due to be released in 2010.
Starfighter
Nick Castle’s cult favorite The Last Starfighter (1984) tells the story of a young video game fanatic magically transported inside his favorite pasttime. Castle is once again set to direct and the project is scheduled for a 2010 release. Let’s hope that Castle knows too much and will avoid any psycho funny games.
The Evil Dead
Before running out of ideas, Sam Raimi represented the cutting edge. Along came a spider, man, and after years of infecting audiences with sequelitis (as well as producing several American versions of Japanese horror films), his name is attached to the remake of his ultra low budget masterwork. Raimi will write the script that both he and Bruce Campbell will produce.
Knight Rider
Now that the Weinstein Company has helped Martin Scorsese commandeer his way to an Oscar, it’s time they turned their attention to loftier matters with a big screen blow up of the David Hassellhoff talking car TV series. The show’s creator, Glen A. Larson is hard at work on the screenplay. Expect a release around 2010/11.
Death Wish
With signature characters Rocky and Rambo already re-introduced to a new generation of grateful young cinephiles, Sylvester Stallone borrows a chapter from Charles Bronson’s Cannon Film’s canon for his next action-packed benefaction. With Michal Winner as your inspiration, the only way to go is up. Production is planned to commence later this year.
Conan The Barbarian
Here is another one that should be right up Stallones’ alley because there is no way in hell that Gov. Arnold will return. Sahara screenwriters Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer are typing their hearts out on a remake of John Milius’ entertaining 1982 adventure yarn.
Back to School
Cedric the Entertainer must be one confident comedian. First he takes on Jackie Gleason’s signature role in a disastrous big screen version of The Honeymooners and now he’ll be going Back to School in the role originated by Rodney Dangerfield. (If anyone ever decides to remake so much as one Marx Bros. movie, I’ll kill them!) David Ronn and Jay Scherick are signed to write the screenplay for this 2010 release.
Logan’s Run
Who better to remake a sci-fi epic that looked like it was set in a shopping mall than consumer-pleasing producer Joel Silver?
The Taking Of Pelham 123
In the thirty-plus years since the release of Jack Smight’s The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, CGI has taken us places never before imaginable, overwhelming contemporary audiences’ imaginations to the point where a mundane subway hijacking can barely pass as blockbuster entertainment. I fear the change of words to numbers in the film’s title is a sign that the most underrated action thriller of the 70s is about to get the dumbed-down Tony Scott treatment. Spielberg gagman David Koepp wrote the script and Denzel Washington and John Travolta play the roles originally created by Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw. It opens in Autumn of 2009.
Fahrenheit 451
Not my favorite Francois Truffaut film, I was curious to see who was involved with the remake. Frank Darabont (Shawshank Redemption) will direct and Tom Hanks is being hinted at to star. Next…
Friday The 13th
Jesus Christ, they’ve already Xeroxed this film nine times with the last installment promising Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. Enough already! Marcus Nispel, the guy responsible for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, will direct and Sean Cunningham (the film’s original “director”) and scurvy Michael Bay will act as producers. It opens in February of 2009.
Last House On The Left
After a trio of worthless Rings epics and an appearance for the equally contemptible (albeit smaller-budgeted) Kevin Smith, it seemed as though Liv Tyler couldn’t sink much lower. Throw the poor girl a shovel. She has been rumored to star in the remake of this characteristic Wes Craven turd due to start filming next month.
Hellraiser
Two writer/directors (Alexandre Bustillo & Julien Maury) have been assigned the unenviable chore of remaking Clive Barker’s horror original starring (and aimed at the mentality of a) Pinead. No talk yet of whether Doug Bradley will return as the pincushion man. It opens next January.
TRON
How appropriate that the first feature ever to extensively incorporate shaded, computer-generated 3D images be given an electronic facelift? (In 1982, many veteran Disney animators refused to work on the project for fear that the new technology would render their artistry obsolete. It took 22 years before the studio eventually decided to put an end to hand-drawn animation.) TRON is in development and due to make a return in 2010.
Clash of the Titans
Even with Ray Harryhausen’s spectacular visual effects, the 1981 version is tough to sit through. As for the remake, Stephen Norrington (Blade, League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen) will direct a screenplay written by Lawrence Kasdan. It is slated for a 2010 release.
Akira
Katsuhiro Ôtomo’s epic 1988 anime is being given a two part live action renovation. Leonardo DiCaprio and Joseph Gordon Leavitt have both been hinted at to star. Gary Whitta is adapting the screenplay from Ôtomo’s original manga and Ruairi Robinson is attached to direct.
The Birds
Martin Campbell (Casino Royale) will direct and Michael Bay will produce the unthinkable.
Frankenweenie
Tim Burton ran out of ideas just after Ed Wood so it’s only logical for him to expand his 1984 animated short to feature length proportions. Burton will write and direct the film scheduled for a 2009 debut.
A Nightmare On Elm Street
Will CGI help to improve upon Freddie’s nightmares? Once again we have producer/dullard Michael Bay to thank.
Westworld
Michael Crichton’s forerunner to Jurassic Park made for enjoyable kiddie fare in 1973. This time, Billy Ray (The Color of Night, Breach) has the screenwriting duties with Jerry Weintraub producing. Look for it in 2009.
The Warriors
Once schlockmeister Tony Scott gets finished bowdlerizing The Taking Of Pelham One Two Three, he’ll set his sites on Coney Island for a remake of Walter Hill’s balletic street gang masterpiece. Still in development, no release date has been assigned.
Piranha
Joe Dante and John Sayles’ satirical response to Jaws was one of Roger Corman’s New World Pictures’ most delightful contrivances. Alexandra Aja, who also remade The Hills Have Eyes is directing and this time they’re talking 3D!
Escape From New York
John Carpenter changed the venue to L. A. for his 1986 sequel. It should have been the definitive statement, but, no, Terminator 3 director Jonathan Mostow and Ken Nolan are working on a script. No word if Mostow will direct, but a 2009 release is likely.
Meatballs
Don’t expect to see Bill Murray’s name attached to this remake of his 1979 box office smash. They must have a lot of faith in this project: John Whitesell (of Big Momma’s House 2 fame) is set to direct.
Metropolis
Former R.W. Fassbinder producer Thomas Schuehly is teaming with producer Mario Kassar on an updated version of Fritz Lang’s visionary masterwork. An “original” version has not existed since 1927. One of the most expensive films ever made, adjusting for inflation were the film made today, it would cost $200 million.
Howard Stern’s Porky’s
Howard has been promising (threatening?) a remake of Bob Clark’s 80s juvenile tit comedy (and Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, too) for almost a decade. It is supposed to finally see the xenon light of day in 2009.
The Lives Of Others
An American remake of a brilliant foreign film for red-staters incapable of reading subtitles. The untimely death of producer Anthony Minghella might move this one to the back burner.
Short Circuit
Isn’t one remake every two years enough? After seeing a display standee for this summer’s Pixar offering WALL-E, I thought for certain that it was a remake of Short Circuit. The bad news is that not only will there be an official remake, but the film’s original screenwriters are coming back.
Straw Dogs
A remake of Sam Peckinpah’s paean to rape has been optioned and there is talk of Rod Lurie helming.
1984
Tim Robbins wants very much to do another remake of George Orwell’s unfilmable novel. Others have filmed it (and failed) twice before, so there’s not much hope that this one will fly.
Red Sonja
Conan and Sonja didn’t exactly revive the sword and sandal genre in the 1980s, but both films did well enough at the box office to set unimaginative contemporary minds thinking remake. Roy Thomas (Conan The Destroyer) has been drafted in to write a screenplay for a new Red Sonja film.
The Dirty Dozen
Next to Metropolis and The Birds, the most indefensible title on the list. Let’s pray that Adam Sandler is already booked otherwise they’ll do to this what they did to Robert Aldrich’s other macho masterstroke The Longest Yard. Veteran TV scribe Josh Applebaum (Alias) drew the short straw. This should hit the multiplexes in 2010.
Footloose
If you’re going to remake bad musicals this is a terrific starting point. Yes, I Can’t See You jokes, “The 80s musical could be coming back to life if director Kenny Ortega has anything to do with it. That said, given he directed High School Musical and its spin-offs, he’d probably be allowed to do anything he wanted in Hollywood right now.”
Dune
Spend the money restoring David Lynch’s original version instead. Actor-turned-director Peter Berg (Very Bad Things, Friday Night Lights) will be calling the shots. Even money this never gets off the ground.
The Thing
They’re remaking remakes. This is the brainchild (aneurysm?) of Battlestar Galactica producer Ronald D Moore.
Near Dark
Maybe this time they’ll get it right by not conveniently playing fast and loose with the vampire legend come the third act. I doubt it. The auteur behind this one is music video director Samuel Bayer. Rumor has it that Kathryn Bigelow (director of the 1987 original) is contributing to the screenplay.
The Swarm
Go ahead and remake it! Blackening the name of Irwin Allen is impossible. Silence Of The Lambs screenwriter Ted Tally will be responsible for all the on-screen buzz. No director or cast have been announced.
Fame
Another terrible musical that a remake couldn’t kill. The new edition of Alan Parker’s soppy 1980 musical is earmarked for a Christmas 2008 release date. Andy Finkman (She’s The Man) will direct.
The Witches
Nicholas Roeg did a commendable job of filming Roald Dahl’s children’s book, but Guillermo Del Toro is considering directing a remake. No start date has been announced for the project, though.
UPDATE
One year later and the remakes gradually begin to open. Click here to read more.
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42 Responses to “40 Movie Remakes Coming Soon to a Multiplex Near You?”
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Great commentary on all the unnecessary remakes, and happy grave-rolling to Alfred Hitchcock, Daphne DuMaurier, Evan Hunter, Bernard Herrmann, Suzanne Pleshette… oh, man, I can’t go on…
How about a list of films that should be remade? Things that could have been classics but missed the mark. I’d nominate HARRY IN YOUR POCKET. There’s no replacing James Coburn or Walter Pidgeon, of course, but it’s half great crime story and half mawkish tv movie, complete with slow-motion lovers in the park losing the balloon they’re carrying.
Never saw “Harry.” I’m waiting for the remake. ;)
I always wanted to see remakes of “Children of the Damned” and “The Bad Seed.” “Children” is so British that all of the horror plays too damn politely. It’s a great story about hellish Aryan tykes about to overthrow a universe in which most adults either patronize or envy them their youth. Not unlike “Body Snatchers,” this story can stand to be retold ever 15 years.
“Seed” is a talky stage play given a leaden screen treatment. Little Patty McCormack is a monster in pigtails. Rhoda Penmark is a deliciously evil character. At 129 minutes, Mervyn LeRoy’s version is over a half hour too long. A tight update is called for. And this time no cutaways. I want to see the little bitch fry!
Both films seem better suited to contemporary times than when they were released. Studios couldn’t truthfully tell these stories in the late 50s, early 60s. We don’t need any more Freddie or Pinhead knock-offs. If you are going to rip someone off, at least do it with originality.
Wasn’t “The Good Son” with Macaulay Culkin & Elijah Wood a remake of “The Bad Seed”?
Oh. You meant a GOOD one…
I kinda’ enjoyed “The Good Son.” Must have seen it on an off day.
I saw the “Straw Dogs” remake news about a year ago and nearly keeled over dead.
Rod Lurie, if I remember the article correctly, wants to do a more politically correct version.
Now wait a minute, Scott, putting hand on his shoulder as he tries to run out the door after Mr. Lurie, he wanted to do this because he felt Susan George’s character was not fleshed out enough (pardon the unfortunate pun).
Sam Peckinpah is spinning in his grave as we speak.
I’m not sure that justice could be done to the original TRON… It was fantastic, and things like that are hard to duplicate…
surely they will never improve on hellraiser. thats just a perfect film-like aliens and like the ‘86 remake of the fly (whixh is also apparantly being remade i heard)
im gonna see it out of intrest as a fan but they will never make it any where near as good im sure
Cronenberg’s “The Fly” is a rarity - a remake that far exceeds the original.
Why hasn’t Hollywood made a movie out of those episodes of Sanford and Son?
This movie can be a tribute in honoring and recognizing Red Foxx contributions to this industry. My hope is that you or someone you know maybe able ignite this fire in making
this reality. A tribute to Red Foxx through Sanford and Son THE MOVIE!!
My desire is to relive this character in a commercial with actions and statements that will cause people to think of the simple things in life. It’s funny thinking how Fred G. Sanford would respond in this day in time because he still lives in the old. Can you image Fred at a McDonalds asking for some neck bones and some pinto beans!!
The creativity of makeup artistes today with an acting coach can make me look exactly like Fred G. Sanford. I would like to pay tribute to Red Foxx this way for the episodes of Sanford and Son. My grandmother 83 loves Fred Sanford laughing until she literally chokes because of his foolishness and things he gets into.
This idea can become a great family movie for all ages. Can you help me? Or share this with the right person who will not only see this but also make it happen. I am impersonating Fred, {Fred goes to Hollywood} on
http://www.youtube.com/healingprophet
Thank you,
Lynwood
“Sanford & Son: The Movie”… in theaters 2010:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0996973/
My casting choices? Bill Cosby to be Fred G. Sanford, Forest Whitaker as Lamont, Bill Cobbs as Grady, Grace Jones as Aunt Esther, and Dave Chapelle as Rollo.
Be careful what you wish for, Lynwood. My top research department at EC knows stuff that even I don’t. Kudos, Rob! I’ll be there opening day, you big dummy.
Delroy Lindo as Fred, Eddie Griffin as Lamont, Tyler Perry as Aunt Esther, Sidney Poitier as Grady, James Earl Jones as Rollo, Mo’Nique as Donna, John Leguizamo as Julio, Kenan Thompson as Bubba and Al Pacino and Sean Penn as Officers Smith and Hopkins. Spike Lee, or is it Ang, will direct from a script by Paul Haggis.
Good God!
I’m coming, Elizabeth, I’m coming!
(I mean up to heaven, not. . . never mind)
How can I help make sure these remakes never see the light of day? Is there an organization I can join? Protests we can organize? There must be something we can do to put an end to this madness…
Sadly, the only protest you have is with your box office dollar. Boycott them.
This guy should play the role of Fred G. Sanford
in the remake of Sanford and Son!!
Checkout out his views addressing presidential candidates and Fred goes to Hollywood on
youtube.com/healingprophet
Bubba, yes, but he’s a bit too young for Fred.
[...] can read the full list here. It includes ones I think would probably be much better if remade (”Tron,” “Clash [...]
Leave Short Circuit alone! Way to many horrible remakes/sequels destroy people’s respect for the original. I can’t bear to see that happen to J-5. There may be a glimmer of hope if they do NOT make him CGI.
It looks like the Straw Dogs remake is going to happen.
It sickens me:
http://www.darkhorizons.com/news/13917/marsden-joins-straw-dogs-remake/
John, let’s just give up now.
Just this afternoon I was on the phone with a friend in Burbank and he asked the same question. He spotted several signs for a new Creature attraction at Universal. You confirmed it, Fitzroy. The theme park wouldn’t dust off a 30s creation for a theme park ride unless there was some sort of remake in the works. I vote for Luis Guzman in the Nestor Paiva role.
That’s interesting about the Sanford and Son Movie possibility. My father-in-law owns the truck used on the original series that he purchased a few years back. It’s sitting in my garage right now. Wonder if they would want to use it in a movie?
Better yet, scrape some of Rollo and Bubba’s DNA from the back seat and clone them for the remake.
Trust me, my father-in-law’s DNA isn’t much different from Fred Sanford’s.
http://www.dimmittsautosalvage.embarqspace.com
You’re a pisser, Gail! You had me laughing out loud. In fairness to a new found friend, I’ll refrain from making any jokes about your dad’s DNA.
:)
I WISH I COULD MAKE A REMAKE OF LORD OF THE FLIES AND STAND BY ME. LOVE MICHELLE.
Technically there is a loose Japanese remake of LOTF. Check out “Battle Royale” directed by Kinji Fukasaku. Great, great movie. Much better than the 2 American versions.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0266308/
Love you, too!
“Battle Royale” is Quentin Tarantino’s favorite movie over the last 20 years. Do with that what you will…
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
WELL THEY COULD MAKE A 3 LORD OF THE FLIES.
THEY COULD MAKE A OTHER STAND BY ME
“Even a broken clock is right twice a day.” - Scott
Bo and I have this theory about Platinum Dunes. Playing the odds, they are going to have to release a decent film one day if only by accident. So far? They are the biggest mathematical anomaly I have ever seen. LOL
WHEN WILL MOVIE MAKERS COME UP WITH NEW MOVIES ALL I SEE ARE REMAKES DOES ANYONE HAVE SOME NEW THOUGHTS IN THEIR MINDS , MOVIES THAT KEEP COMING BACK SUCK HOW MANY TIMES IS JASON COMING BACK, LIKE THE MOVIE THE BIRDS COME ON GET IT TOGETHER AND MAKE GOOD MOVIES. I REFUSE TO GO AND PAY 15 BUCKS TO SEE A REMAKE WHEN IT WILL BE FREE ON HBO IN 2 MONTHS AND THATS NOT GOOD
IF ANYONE IS PLANNING TO SEE PARANORMAL ACTIVITY DONT BOTHER I MAKE BETTER HOME MOVIES AND I NOT A PRO IT IS JUST A STUPID HOME MOVIE NO REAL ACTORS THE BLAIR WITCH SUCKED BUT IT WAS BETTER THEN THIS REAL STUPID MOVIE
Caps lock stuck?
Let’s all see your “better home movies.”
Dope.
HEY KAREN I HOPE THAT YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT AFTER SKIPPING ALL THESE PERIODS
Wow I guess she won’t be getting the Paranormal Activity director’s cut on DVD. Why so much hate. These horror and ghost movies have a following. Yeah a lot of these remakes shouldn’t happen, but they do, and as long as people continue to go see them, they will be made. Halloween 2 WHY? A white horse and another excuse to get Sherri Moon Zombie into his movie. Some remakes make ZERO sense. But I was an idiot and paid $7.00 to see it. So I have no one to blame but myself. I had hopes for a brutal Halloween 2, which in some ways it was, but good grief Zombie, your wife doesn’t need to be in every one of your movies. Oh and Karen you may be pissed about Paranormal Activity, but you paid to see it, just like I did Halloween 2. I can understand your distaste in the movie, but please be a little constructive.
For a post that seems to have brought out more illiterate comments than all others combined, you are like a breath of fresh air, Ed. I tried twice to see “Halloween 2″ and in both cases the air conditioning was on the fritz and the theater was like an oven. Maybe it was God’s way of keeping me away from it.
SOMEBODY SHOULD REMAKE THE LAWNMOWER MAN
What else they should remake is Pincushion Man and it’s not Balloonland where this villain is popping balloons. What it is would be taking place in the state of New York and the Pincushion Man is seeing other people blow bubble gum and pop the bubbles with a pin or even pop balloons at places. They should also remake Demolition Man starring Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes as The Running Man starring Arnold Schwarzenegger should be remade.
I can see it now: Christoph Waltz IS “The Pincshion Man!”