Summer Film Preview Guide
April 23rd, 2008 by Scott Marks
Cinematographer Oliver Bokelberg and Richard Jenkins on the set of THE VISITOR
Read ‘em and weep, folks. You thought last summer was bad? This is how we’re going to be spending the next four months at the movies.
APRIL 25, 2008
HAROLD & KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY
If Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle was such a terrible film why do I own a copy? Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, who penned the original raunch fest, wrote and directed the sequel. This time the hemp heads are mistaken for chronic terrorists.
DECEPTION
Ewan McGregor visits a mysterious sex club and quickly becomes the prime suspect in a woman’s disappearance and a million dollar heist. Hugh Jackman, Michelle Williams, Bruce Altman, Natasha Henstridge, Charlotte Rampling and cinematographer Dante Spinotti co-star in first time director Marcel Langenegger’s action thriller. You had better bring a shovel to help fill in all the plot holes.
BABY MAMA
Another SNL-produced comedy. Next…
THE LIFE BEFORE HER EYES
One of the only films on the list I’ve seen and it’s a morbid stinker thoroughly taken by it own brilliance. Uma Thurman and Evan Rachel Wood climb Jacob’s ladder and wind up on Owl Creek Bridge. How’s that for a spoiler? The very important Vadim Perelman (House of Sand and Fog) directed.
THE VISITOR
Thomas McCarthy (The Station Agent) directs this dramedy about a widowed professor who finds a young couple squatting in his apartment. The superb Richard Jenkins stars.
MAY 2, 2008
MADE OF HONOR
Brought to us by the same man who directed Leonard Part 6. We know what this is made of.
IRON MAN
Did Elf make so much money that Paramount was willing to hand Jon Favreau $186 million to direct this? Guess so. Let’s hope that Robert Downey can work his magic on yet another comic book adaptation.
MIO FRATELLO E FIGLIO UNICO (MY BROTHER IS AN ONLY CHILD)
How did a film with subtitles make it on this list? Daniele “Never heard of him” Luchetti directs this Italian coming of age film.
MAY 9, 2008
SPEED RACER
It still hurts when I think about The Matrix, but on the strength of Bound and their script for V for Vendetta I’m willing to give the Wachowski Bros. another shot. Let’s see if Emile Hirsch can put a stop to his smug posing long enough to play the title role. Christina Ricci also stars, but the most interesting casting is Susan Sarandon and John Goodman as Mom and Pop Speed. I didn’t know they were Asian.
THEN SHE FOUND ME
Helen Hunt stars in and directs this romantic comedy about a New York school teacher having a midlife crisis. Colin Firth, Bette Midler and Matthew Broderick co-star.
WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS
A TV commercial tagline intended to promote tourism becomes the basis for a feature film. Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz play two strangers that awaken together to discover they’ve gotten married following a night of debauchery in Sin City. Laughter ensues when they discover that one of them has won a huge jackpot after playing the other’s quarter. Tom Vaughan directs.
MAY 16, 2008
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN
Part 2 of the Narnia franchise. Have fun!
SON OF RAMBOW
Two little boys make a home movie in this coming of age comedy set in the 80s. Much of it is based on writer/director Garth Jenning’s (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) childhood experiments with a camcorder. The tagline reads: “Make Believe. Not War.” Better bring insulin.
MAY 22, 2008
INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
MAY 30, 2008
SEX AND THE CITY
Never having seen so much as one second of the TV show, this one tops the pass list.
THE STRANGERS
Bryan Bertino makes his directorial debut with this horror film starring Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman. Advance word is that it’s supposed to be terrifying, but they said the same thing about Blair Witch. At least it features Liv in a movie without the word “rings” in the title.
JUNE 6, 2008
YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN
Another Adam Sandler comedy directed by Dennis Dugan. Can’t wait to see how much difficulty Mariah Carey will have playing herself.
KUNG FU PANDA
A lazy panda unwittingly becomes the chosen one. Sounds like an animated version of The Last Emperor. Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman and Jackie Chan lend their voices to this DreamWorks production directed by Mark Osborne and John Stevenson.
MONGOL
Kazakhstan’s official Oscar submission in the Foreign Language Film category recounts the early years of Genghis Khan. Can it possibly be a prequel to The Conqueror? This will be my first Sergei Bodrov (Bear’s Kiss, The Quickie) film.
THE FOOT FIST WAY
Sounds like another low concept comedy, this time about a volatile tae kwon do instructor who makes a pilgrimage to see his hero Chuck “The Truck” Wallace. Written and directed by actors who graduated from the Judd Apatow school.
STUCK
Horror filmmaker Stuart Gordon tries to re-animate his career with this tale of a a young hit-and-run driver who finds her fate tied to her victim. Starring Halle Berry. (Just kidding!)
JUNE 13, 2008
THE INCREDIBLE HULK
Didn’t Ang Lee make one of these five years ago? This time Edward Norton is the green machine with Liv Tyler as his love interest. Zak Penn (X-Man 2 & 3, Fantastic Four) and Edward Norton wrote the script and Louis Leterrier (Transporter 1 & 2) directed. With credits like those backing them up, how can they go right?
THE HAPPENING
No, not a remake of the Anthony Quinn hippie film from the 60s. 20th Century Fox is keeping the plot of M. Night Shyamalan’s new sci-fi thriller tightly under wraps. It has something to do with Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel on the run from an apocalyptic crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity. Could they be any less specific?
THE PROMOTION
A comedy about two assistant managers of a corporate grocery store competing for a coveted promotion. Seann William Scott and John C. Reilly star alongside SNL players. Can’t wait to see how writer/director Steve Conrad pads this thin premise to feature length.
REPRISE
The press notes describe this Norwegian drama as a tale of “two competitive friends, fueled by literary aspirations and youthful exuberance, endure the pangs of love, depression and burgeoning careers.” I’m sure it will play better with subtitles. Joachim Trier directs.
JUNE 20, 2008
THE LOVE GURU
Mike Myers’ first wholly original creation since Austin Powers. Yawn. Marco Schnabel (any relation to Julian?) makes his directorial bow.
GET SMART
Big screen hack Peter Segal (Tommy Boy, The Klumps, The Longest Yard) primed to disembowel Mel Brooks and Buck Henry’s classic TV show. Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway star.
Angelina Jolie is WANTED
JUNE 27, 2008
WALL E
It wouldn’t be summer without Pixar. Let’s hope this doesn’t short circuit like last year’s Cars.
WANTED
Originally scheduled for a March release, the action packed thriller stars Angelina Jolie (looking a lot sluttier than in her past few films, thank God) and is Russian director Timur Bekmambetov’s (Night Watch, Day Watch) first American film.
JULY 2, 2008
HANCOCK
At least the premise sounds interesting. A hard-living superhero who has fallen out of favor with the public enters into a questionable relationship with the wife of the public relations professional who’s trying to repair his image. Don’t get too excited. It’s this summer’s Will Smith CGI showcase. Peter Berg (Very Bad Things, The Kingdom) directs.
KIT KITTREDGE: AN AMERICAN GIRL
Abigail Breslin appears to be picking up all the scripts Dakota Fanning rejected. A ‘G’ rated comedy based on a popular line of dolls. Not at gunpoint!
Werner Herzog directs ENCOUNTER AT THE END OF THE WORLD
JULY 4, 2008
ENCOUNTER AT THE END OF THE WORLD
During post production on Grizzly Man, master filmmaker Werner Herzog was shown footage taken by a photographer in Antarctica. Dazzled by what he saw, Herzog brought a small crew to the earth’s southernmost continent to film this documentary. Can’t think of a better way to spend the 4th.
JULY 11, 2008
JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH 3-D
Visual effects supervisor Eric Brevig mounts the director’s chair for another remake of the Jules Verne classic. Brendan Fraser and Anita Briem star.
MEET DAVE
After the disastrous The Adventures of Pluto Nash, you’d think that Eddie Murphy would steer clear of sci-fi comedies. No such luck. Eddie stars as a spaceship made in the image of its miniature-sized captain that lands in New York. It will cost you ten bucks and two hours of your life to watch this fish out of water asphyxiate.
HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY
Sequel to Hellboy (duh!).
RELIGULOUS
Bill Maher’s musings on the current state of world religion. A new comedy documentary from Larry Charles, the genius behind Borat and Curb Your Enthusiam.
JULY 18, 2008
THE DARK KNIGHT
Destined to go down in history as the film that killed Heath Ledger. Having thoroughly enjoyed Batman Begins, I’m primed for Christopher Nolan’s sequel. Anything is better than Tim Burton’s versions.
SPACE CHIMPS
An animated intergalactic comedy that highlights the antics of astronaut chimps with the “wrong stuff.” Andy Samberg and Cheryl Hines voice the leads and Kirk De Micco (author of Racing Stripes) directs.
MAMMA MIA!
Diner theater musical based on the songs of Abba. I’ll be bringing Jack Kevorkian to the screening as my guest.
JULY 25, 2008
STEP BROTHERS
I was hoping for a documentary about Eight Feet of Ryhthm, but alas, it’s another Will Ferrell comedy.
THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE
Chris Carter, the show’s creator, directs this big screen continuation. I’ll see Sex and the City before dipping into this.
HENRY POOLE IS HERE
Mark Pellington (Arlington Road, The Mothman Prophecies) directs a comedy!?! Luke Wilson plays a man abandoned by all who love him only to be spiritually reborn by a nosy neighbor.
A PERFECT MATCH
A grumpy school principal looking for a wife on the internet falls for his incompetent, much younger housekeeper. Miel Van Hoogenbemt directs this comedy from Belgium.
THE LONGSHOTS
Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst directs a sports film about the first girl to play in a Pop Warner football tournament. Don’t quit your day job. Ice Cube and Keke Palmer star. (When did Ice go from tough action star to making lame family films?)
BRIDESHEAD REVISITED
Evelyn Waugh’s novel was transformed into a hit mini-series and now a feature. Didn’t see the TV version and I’ll probably call in sick the day this screens. Unless there is someone truly talented at the helm, these British literary adaptations tend to focus on costumes and acting rather than cinematic knowhow. Julian Jarrold (Kinky Boots, Becoming Jane) directs.
Brad William Henke and Sam Rockwell in CHOKE
AUGUST 1, 2008
CHOKE
Stop me of you’ve heard this one: a sex addict/con man whole plays on the sympathies of a group of people that saved him from choking to help pay his mother’s hospital bills. At last, a film that sounds interesting! Actor Clark Gregg’s first directorial effort stars Sam Rockwell, Anjelica Huston, Kelly Macdonald, Bijou Phillips and Joel Grey.
THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR
Im-Ho-Tep is out of step and this time it’s up to Jet-Li to stop the slow-moving bundle of bandages. Rob Cohen (The Fast and the Furious, Stealth)
THE ROCKER
Twenty years after being kicked out an 80s hair rock group, drummer Robert “Fish” Fishman is forced to join his nephew’s band. Peter Cattaneo (The Full Monty) directs Rainn Wilson and Christina Applegate in what sounds like a seven minute skit stretched out over two hours.
SWING VOTE
The outcome of a presidential election hinges on one man: Kevin Costner. First time director Joshua Michael Stern co-wrote the screenplay with Jason Reitman (Thank You for Smoking, Juno.)
BOY A
John Crowley (Intermission) directs this story of a young ex-con released from serving a prison sentence for a murder he committed as a child. How can they screw up this premise? Andrew Garfield, Peter Mullan and Siobhan Finneran star.
MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN
There is yet another serial killer loose on the streets of New York. Ryuhei Kitamura directs this thriller based on a short story by Clive Barker. Bradley Cooper, Vinnie Jones, Leslie Bibb and the Bob Hope influenced Brooke Shields star.
Andrew Garfield in BOY A
AUGUST 8, 2008
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
Another comedy from the prolific Apatow factory. Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg wrote this stoner comedy and this time they actually enlisted the services of a real director, David Gordon (George Washington, Undertow, Snow Angels).
HELLRIDE
IMDB.com uses the following keywords to sum up this Danish horror film: Serial Killer, Rape, Blood, Kidnapping, Murder, Rampage, Predatory Criminal, Jackhammer, Hunter and Violence. Where’s my vial of laudanum?
AMERICAN TEEN
Documentary about senior life at a high school in Indiana. Be afriad: the poster is a riff on The Breakfast Club and it was a big hit at Sundance.
SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2
Is this really necessary?
FLY ME TO THE MOON
Animated comedy about three young houseflies that stowaway aboard the Apollo 11 flight to the moon. Ben Stassen directs.
AUGUST 15, 2008
THE CLONE WARS
TROPIC THUNDER
Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. lead an ensemble cast in this action comedy about a group of self-absorbed actors who set out to make the most expensive war film. This is the one that sparked a bit of a scandal when it was revealed that Downey would appear in blackface. The bad news is Stiller directed it.
WILD CHILD
Emma Roberts stars as a rich Malibu teen is sent to an English boarding school by her father. At least it’s not a remake of the Truffaut film.
MIRRORS
Keifer Sutherland stars as a mall security guard who discovers the horror concealed in scary changing room mirrors. Director Alexandre Aja’s remake of The Hills Have Eyes surpassed the original, so there is hope for this one.
AUGUST 22, 2008
THE ACCIDENTAL HUSBAND
Chick flick about a jilted husband who blames his breakup on a radio talk show host. Griffin Dunne directs and Uma Thurman, Colin Firth and Sam Shepard star.
BANGKOK DANGEROUS
Another foreign film remade by its original authors for American audiences. Oxide Pang Chun and Danny Pang direct Nicolas Cage as an American hitman in Bangkok.
TOWELHEAD
During the Gulf War, a pubescent Arab-American girl grapples with her sexual awakening, a racist soldier and her strict father. Sounds pretty damn important to me, but what are we to expect from Alan Ball, author of the godawful American Beauty? This marks his first appearance in the director’s chair. Summer Bashil, Aaron Eckhart, Toni Colette and Maria Bello star.
HAMLET 2
The always wonderful Steve Coogan stars as an actor turned high school drama teacher who decides to write a sequel to, well, you know. The film’s director Andrew Fleming (Bad Dreams, Dick, The In-Laws) is not without talent, so you can count me in. Mitigating factor: It was a big hit at Sundance.
CROSSING OVER
Director Wayne Kramer based this blockbuster on his 1996 short film about immigrants of different nationalities struggling to achieve legal status in Los Angeles. Sounds like Crash 2. The big name cast includes Harrison Ford, Sean Penn, Ray Liotta and Ashley Judd.
THE HOUSE BUNNY
Anna Faris stars as a Playboy Bunny, exiled from the mansion, that moves into the Zeta Alpha Zeta house where she teaches the clueless sorority girls all about sex. Wanna’ bet it’s rated PG-13?
AUGUST 29, 2008
BABYLON A.D.
Forgive me for saying this, but as a dumb action star, I kinda’ like Vin Diesel. Vin stars as a mercenary hired to deliver a package containing a mysterious young woman from the ravages of post-apocalyptic Eastern Europe to a destination in the teeming megalopolis of New York City. Mathieu Kassovitz directs and hopefully this is closer to La Haine than Gothika.
VICKI CHRISTINA BARCELONA
Formerly known as Untitled Woody Allen Project. Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem star.
TRAITOR
Writer/director Jeffrey Nachmanoff’s drama about a special operative working with a terrorist group becomes the target of the CIA. The film, which was based on an idea by Steve Martin, stars Guy Pearce, Don Cheadle and Jeff Daniels.
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Quotes, Quips and Fun Facts
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Fun Facts: When John Wayne died the autopsy revealed 40 lbs. of impacted feces in his colon. Let's move 'em out, Pilgrim!
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Image Vault
a) I had the feeling that the “Life before her eyes” was what actually was the film was about (how’s that for tortured syntax??) - hint, hint, nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.
b) I’m actually looking forward to “Iron Man” and “Choke” (Chuck Palaniuk is the man!!!)