Miley Cyrus thinking of leaving “Hannah Montana” ?!?! Blow out the pilot light!
July 29th, 2008 by Scott Marks
It can’t be. Say it ain’t so. This is more cataclysmic than when WOR axed The Howard Stern Summer Show after only two seasons!
Miley Cyrus is talking about leaving Hannah Montana! The chipmunk-faced teen sensation told E! News, “We’re thinking this is our last season.”
Hey, Miley — I have five words for you: “Screech.” Forget about that yente Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s time you turned to Dustin Diamond as your role model. No matter how much producer Peter “Der Vicer” Engel tried to dilute and degrade the character (towards the end Screech became Mr. Belding’s bitch) Dustin rode that Saved by the Bell wave until The New Class got old and the show was canceled. Diamond even went on to appear in a porno film. I ask you, is there a better person alive to guide Miley’s career than Screech Powers?
C’mon, Miley don’t kill of Hannah. It can’t possibly take much work to film that three-camera crapola. There will be plenty of time for you to make more 3D movies, pose in various sorts of undress and even make that racy feature you’ve been jockeying for. Besides, the normally tight fisted folks at Mouse-TV will surely line your coffers with enough dough to keep you in bubble gum, stock options and “FU” money for the rest of your life.
“Miley said it best when she said she’s delighted to be part of the Disney family,” says a rep at Disney. “We start production on the third season of Hannah Montana on August 4 and have an option for a fourth season beyond that. We look forward to the Hannah Montana feature film coming to a theatre near you in Spring 2009.”
If only Bob Hope had lived long enough to take Miley under his wing and transform her into the next Brooke Shields. I tell you, even Brooke Shields’ eyebrows are beginning to look a bit long in the tooth. Dolores would have cloistered Cyrus in her Virgen de Los Remedias chapel tucked inside their Toluca Lake compound and built to the exacting specifications of both the Catholic League and NATO. (I’m talking about the National Association of Theatre Owners, not that pansy treaty organization!) After five months with Dolores, the only exposed skin peeking out from under Miley’s garments would be from above the neck or below the wrists. Through slow and steady contemplation of the scriptures, Bob’s Bagful of Christmas specials and Saved by the Bell reruns, Ms. Hope, an expert in the field of hyman regeneration in addition to being a world class vocalist, would set the child on the path to righteousness.
Tags: Bob Hope, Dolores Hope, dustin diamond, Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus, milly cyrus, Molly Cyrus, quits hannah montana, quitting hannah montana, samuel powers, saved by the bell, screech, screech powersShare: 
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