Dig A Hole: George “King” Stahlman
February 14th, 2009 by Scott Marks
Long before I made San Diego my home the “My Child Was Citizen Of The Month At…‘King’ Stahlman Bail Bonds” sticker affixed to my bumper had survived numerous Chicago winters. How can anyone resist a bail bondsman with a sense of humor?
The “King” is dead. George Stahlman, Purple Heart recipient, mayoral candidate, philanthropist, master of self-promotion and the best god damned bail bondsman that ever was died Friday morning of emphysema in his Del Cerro home. He was 85.
According to a statement release by his son-in-law Michael (”Prince”?) Hardwick, “San Diego has lost a great legend and one of its most colorful characters today. George ‘King’ Stahlman died peacefully at his home this morning surrounded by family. With some irony, he passed away on a Friday the 13th, the same day his ship was sunk during World War II.”
I wonder how other royals like Queen Latifah, Marjorie Lord, Prince and Princess Cruise Lines are taking the news. Wouldn’t it be great if Burl Stiff wrote a memorial column including the names of everyone that Mr. Stallman bonded. Sadly, it will never happen as many of them were not welcome in polite society.
George “King” Stahlman was a fixture of San Diego radio, television and print media for decades. Much in the same way Cellozzi and Ettleson or Linn Burton, for certain, captivated the hearts and minds of Chicago media savants, “King” Stahlman was a pitchman extraordinaire. The low-tech TV commercials for “King” Stahlman Bail Bonds spared all expenses and the “King’s” catchy jingle seemed to be everywhere at the same time. “It’s better to know me and not need me, than the need me and not know me.” There were times in the car where the ubiquitous ditty caused me to throw a George C. Scott “Turn It Off!” tantrum.
During one of my first visits to San Diego, David Elliott, who sure knows how to show an out of town guest a good time, took me on a pilgrimage to the “King’s” office. Being a navy town, downtown San Diego has almost as many bail bondsmen as it does palm trees. We were in luck. The “King’s” enormous white Lincoln Town Car, complete with “BAIL KING” plates and a bumper sticker, was parked out in front.
“King” Stahlman was a giant of a many in every way. He towered over me and shaking his enormous hand felt like trying on a catcher’s mitt. When asked if he had ever read San Diego’s finest film critic he half-nodded and his cigarette scorched voice croaked out an uncertain, “Oh, sure.” The “King” did not impress me as a movie lover, but why watch when you can create?
The “King’s” motto was: “Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise.” His television appearances were low rent extravaganzas. For years it was the “King” talking to the camera with some cheap graphics and green screen effects. Eventually they began to incorporate Clutch Cargoish animation and bare bones CGI effects. And that jingle. That accursed jingle!
The “King” was born up Hollywood/Glendale way on June 26, 1923. According to MSNBC, “Most of his childhood was spent between Hollywood and St. Joseph Missouri. Those years during the Depression helped to form a lot of the strength and drive that made him a success in the bail bond business.” At age 18 Stahlman enlisted in the Navy during World War II and was awarded a Purple Heart after he was injured in the battle of Guadalcanal. He opened his first bail bonds office in Oceanside in 1946.
He came in fifth with a mere 4 percent of the vote when he ran for mayor of San Diego in 1967.
For over sixty years, George “King” Stahlman was a walking “get out of jail free” card. He was a character if ever there was one and someone whose presence, if not his jingle, will be sorely missed. Rest in peace, my liege.
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8 Responses to “Dig A Hole: George “King” Stahlman”
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I was hoping to hear the jingle to determine if it’s more annoying than…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aenIqLPs10
The Empire Carpet Jingle is Liszt’s “Les Preludes” compared to the King’s odious ditty.
What - no “hole” for James Whitmore? Is it the anti-SHAWSHANK bias or are you still recovering from the Big Eddie Schwartz loss?
I have nothing to say about the guy. (What would make you think I would favor something like “Shawshank?”) Whitmore never moved me one way or the other. The one thing I remember about him was the SCTV parody “James Whitmore Tonight.” “…And them I made ‘Black Like Me.’ Good night!” Eddie and the King impacted my life. Even as a monkey Whitmore did nothing for me.
Tut, tut. I meant you were biased against SHAWSHANK. Seeing as I can’t recall too many other Whitmore films off hand, I kinda see your point.
He wasn’t a bad actor, just unmemorable as you point out.
This guy pointed out that my registration expired, and probably kept me outta jail!
That’s why they called him King, Ken.