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2010 Academy Awards recap

March 8th, 2010 by Scott Marks

Warning: To avoid danger of suffocation, keep plastic bags away from babies, children and Oscar.

The red carpet “Frankenstein” shot (start on the feet and pan up) of Gabby Sidibe was worthy of Whale.

Oddest married couple’s hair of the evening: Sarah Jessica Parker has a challah growing on the back of her head and Matthew Broderick’s hair seems to have been done by the same stylist who aged James Dean in “Giant.”

Christoph Waltz looks naked without an armband.

Everyone on the red carpet kept asking Gabby Sidibe what her next role will be. If she doesn’t win the Oscar it’s straight to Jenny Craig commercials.

Did Kathy Ireland say that Miley Cyrus has “mastered comedy” and Gabby Sidibe “turned your genius into a dream come true?” I need to study her every thought.

“Drop the soap” and Dolly Parton jokes in Neil Patrick Harris’ opening number. It’s going to be a long night.

Meryl Streep’s Hitler memorabilia? A “Precious” video game? Putting on 3-D glasses to see James Cameron? Encouraging Christoph Waltz to ethnically cleanse the audience? Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin’s starstruck opening monologue was one of the funniest in Oscar history.

What’s with the effing 1.85 and/or full frame clips from ‘Scope movies?

George Harvey is a piker compared to Col. Hans Landa. We salute the Academy for honoring Oberführer Waltz!!! A brilliantly crafted acceptance speech. None of that “I want to thank…” nonsense. He told a story.

I know that times are tough, but who knew that Harvey Weinstein couldn’t afford a razor.

Was Ryan Reynolds doing his Rod Serling impression?

The new footage created for the Best Animated Feature segment was uniformly terrific.

No more suffering through the endless Best Song nominees. So far the streamlining is paying off.

“The Hurt Locker” is a better screenplay for a war movie than “Inglourious Basterds?”

Time to take a dump. It’s a tribute to John Hughes. In life, the Academy wouldn’t give Hughes the time of day. I didn’t see a tribute to Russ Meyer when he kicked. What effing hypocrites! The clip reel, particularly the pathos-laden section, brought it all back.

“Logorama” beat out Wallace & Gromit? Now that’s a major upset.

Douche Chills Central: Roger Ross Williams not waiting for Elinor Burkett to get to the stage to mutually accept the award for “Music for Prudence.” She looks like she’d be a delight to work with on the set.

Ben Stiller is a ja*off.

I forgot that “Il Divo” received a nomination. Lot of good it did the film.

Forget the dry look. Michael Stuhlbarg looks better in character.

Kudos to the genius who decided to include a clip from the fried chicken sequence in “Precious.”

Uh-oh. “Precious” won best screenplay.

Roger Corman, Gordon Willis and Lauren Bacall (you can keep John Calley) don’t get to speak at the ceremony, but they waste time honoring John Hughes!??!

I’m still shocked that Mo’Nique beat out Anna Kendrick.

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2010 Independent Spirit Awards recap

March 5th, 2010 by Scott Marks

There are two guaranteed ways to win an Independent Spirit Award:

1. You must be interviewed by Emulsion Compulsion. Congrats to Woody Harrelson and Scott Cooper.
2. EC names your movie the worst of the year.

Three crybabies: Scott Cooper, Geoffrey Fletcher and Lee Daniels.

Is it a requirement that award show hosts, no matter how talented they may be, make complete idiots of themselves? I hereby decree that no more Brits be allowed to host American awards shows. Ricky Gervais sucked and Eddie Izzard made him look good. How hard is it to get a roomful of drunken celebrities to laugh? Izzard’s rambling, at times incoherent and never funny monologue was painful to watch. Judging by the lack of laughter the audience agreed.

It was great to see Woody win. He should thank his lucky stars that “Inglourious Basterds” was not deemed an indie for Christophe Waltz would have goosestepped all over his ass. And why wasn’t Ben Foster nominated? I like the way Woody held his trophy as though it was an extension of his manhood.

Brought to you without commercial interruption, eh? The whores at Film Independent took a giant turn in the direction of the Oscars not only with their choice of winners, but the unconscionable and incessant product placement throughout the program. It’s bad enough that I have to endure a Stella Artois commercial every time I go to a Landmark Theatre. I don’t need to see their advertising logo superimposed over the winners as they walked up to accept their awards.

Emile Hirsch needs a director. Nice line readings off the teleprompter! Also good to see the poor man’s Shia Labeouf making funny faces behind Robert Duvall as the cast from “Crazy Heart” accepted their award. Class act! May you live a life of eternal “Speed Racer” remakes.

Did the same person who designed the cuffs on Ken Jeong’s shirt work on Minnie Pearl’s hats?

Did Mo’Nique finally take a weed-whacker to her legs?

How do you think Mr. Mo’Nique feels toting around his wife’s purse all night?

No letterboxed clips? I expect this type of inane behavior from the Academy, but not an organization that prides itself on keeping the integrity of independent films alive. To make matters worse, the clips were full frame with CG borders inserted across the tops and bottoms.

With its sloppy hand held camerawork, quick stuttering zooms and artless compositions, the pre-recorded segment featuring Film Independent’s Dawn Hudson looked no better or worse than anything I saw in “Cop Out.”

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