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Angelina Jolie vs. Megan Fox

June 22nd, 2009 by Scott Marks

There was a time in the lives of most young boy when Mad Magazine was their Bible, endless source of humor and constant learning companion. Throughout the 60s I never missed one issue. In the early 70s I discovered National Lampoon and prayed the door didn’t hit MM’s backside on its way out.

One thing was for certain. Cracked was unthinkable.

From cover boy Sylvester P. Smythe right down to the magazine’s layouts and subject matter, Cracked wasn’t certifiably crazy, just pseudo-Mad.

I’m not sure what click along my travails on the internet superhighway brought me to the “Angelina Jolie/Megan Fox Comparison Chart,” but I had to laugh when I read Cracked’s “tale of the tape” pitting “ancient” Angelina Jolie against her heiress apparent Megan Fox.

Cracked also scared up three provocative pearls from the alluring lips of “The Transformers” beauty:

“If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like—you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on ‘Transformers’ always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.” -GQ, October 2008

“I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard.” - Esquire Magazine, June 2009

“Look, are you aware of who ‘FHM’ magazine voted the Sexiest Woman Alive? ME! Not Angelina Jolie…it was ME! God, Jolie was lucky to make Number Nine! I’m only 21 and she’s like…ancient! I’m much hotter than her.” - Screamed at a fan who mistook her for Jolie at a bar in Vancouver, May 2008

The first question is, how much money do you think her effluvial wardrobe would fetch on eBay? Her posterior utterances must smell better than a cookie factory.  Second, AJ is only 34-years-old, Meg, why the hostility? Admittedly I Googled “Angelina Jolie Ugly” to find my headline photo, but all kidding aside she’s still a beautiful woman. If she lays off the health foods and hires the right lighting cameraman Angie could easily go on turning heads for another ten years.

Be careful what you say, Megan. Somewhere in the Midwest there’s a 12-year-old girl waiting to grow up and be discovered at the Beaver Kreek Center’s Dairy Queen by a Hollywood producer whose Bentley broke down while passing through Iowa City. You’ll play her mother in “Transformers 12.”

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Filed Under Gossip

KPBS Film Club reviews CHANGELING, ZACK AND MIRI, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY & SYNECHDOCHE, NEW YORK

October 29th, 2008 by Scott Marks

I am currently “on assignment” (always wanted to write that) in L.A. and for the first time literally phoned in my appearance on the Film Club. There is a lot to be said for this Larry King “keep-’em-separate” approach to broadcasting. Perhaps when I return to San Diego, I should permanently be miked in another studio. One problem: without my presence (frantically waving my hands up and down to get our host’s attention), Tom tended to send more questions Beth’s way. In that case of Synechdoche, New York, that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Listen to the Podcast here.

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Filed Under KPBS Radio Shows, Reviews, Theatrical

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