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Dig A Hole: Bernie Mac

August 9th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Of all the members of Ocean’s 11, who’d have thought that Carl Reiner would outlive Bernie Mac?

In February 2005, the comedian revealed that he had suffered from sarcoidosis since 1983. He said the inflammatory lung disease, that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body’s organs, had no effect on his daily life and that it had gone into remission. Earlier this month, he was hospitalized for pneumonia and rumors that Mac was in serious condition began swirling. His publicist, Danica Smith, said that he was expected to make a full recovery. Sadly, she was wrong.

Chicago Sun-Times columnist (and heiress to the Kupcinet throne) Stella Foster received calls early Saturday morning from a close friend of the Mac family. Bernie Mac died from complications of pneumonia at Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial hospital. He was only 50.

Bernard Jeffrey McCollough was born on the south side of Chicago on October 5, 1957. He was raised by his mother Mary who died of cancer when Mac was just 16. In an interview with freelance writer Khari Shabazz. Mac claimed that as a child he had been whipped with a belt by both his mother and grandmother.

While attended Chicago Chicago’s Vocational Career Academy, Mac began putting on shows for neighbor kids. In 1977, at the age of 20, he decided to turn pro. His first job as a stand-up comic was at Chicago’s Cotton Pickin’ Club. His career began building steam when he won the Miller Lite Comedy Search at the age of 32. A performance on HBO’s Def Comedy Jam brought him national attention and before long he was opening for Dionne Warwick, Natalie Cole and the inimitable Redd Foxx.

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Barack Obama and John McCain name their favorite movies

August 8th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Bambi and Born Free. After years of George Bush, doesn’t America deserve a grown up for a President?

If the next Commander in Chief was elected strictly on the basis of their favorite films I’d write in Richard Nixon. At least the old fascist bastard had the courage to name the M rated Patton. When asked what film he prized most, Johnny McCain chose Walt Disney’s Bambi!

Bambi? What a load of politically correct, family values crap. Unless the scene where the hunter blows Bambi’s mommy to smithereens has a similar effect on McCain as Viagra, I can’t imagine him coming home after a hard day stumping the War on Terror and unwinding with a bunch of adorable animated woodland creatures. He probably looks to Triumph of the Will for laughs.

Not that I have anything against Bambi, and while it’s one of Disney’s crowning achievements, something tells me Johhny isn’t in it for the artistry. He wouldn’t know a multi-plane camera from an F16. McCain said it brought him to tears. Me too. It’s a great film, but a calculated selection that’s safe for grandma and grandpa as well as their gun-totin’ grandkids.

Obama’s choice of movies seems even more calculated and less heartfelt. His pick is a film set in Kenya so his African American constituents won’t feel slighted. Not unlike Bambi, it’s an inoffensive, family safe tearjerker. At least he didn’t choose Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.

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Jesse Jackson uses the ‘n’ word when he thinks he can’t be heard

July 17th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Last Sunday, with no ifs and or buts, Jesse Jackson talked about relieving Barack Obama of his nuts.

The situation has become even bigger now that it’s been revealed that he also used a denigrating term that rhymes with “trigger.” During an off-mic conversation on Fox and Friends, Jesse cited Obama for what he labeled a derisive trend.

Whiled chiding Obama for “talking down to black people” he slurred, and let loose with the lethal “n” word.

Even Emulsion Compulsion acted with revulsion when Jesse took to the air wave to scold Barack for telling blacks how to behave.

Isn’t this the same Reverend who, when at his wit’s end, called for a boycott of Michael Richards, the clown, and once suggested that Jews live in “Hymie Town?” If Jackson didn’t call for Richard’s boycott, than my name isn’t Scott.

Furthermore, CDs recorded by ‘n’ word-using rappers should be flushed down the crapper. How’s that for a capper?

Jackson has since expressed that he was “deeply saddened and distressed” for causing the Obama’s such a mess. (My decasyllabic meter is causing me to teeter!)

Jackson, who is traveling in Spain, apologized for creating any pain. “There really is no justification for my comments and I hope that the Obama family and the American public will forgive me,” said Jackson during his plea.

Is this talk part of the mission of the Rainbow Coalition? Operation PUSH should do away with their spokesman whose brain is made out of mush. He actually came off dumber than Bush!

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Jealous Jesse Jackson takes aim at Barack Obama’s “nuts”

July 11th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Where does salty Jesse Jackson get his balls big enough to criticize Barack Obama’s nuts?

Before an interview on Sunday’s Fox and Friends Jackson, seemingly unaware that the microphone was hot, whispered to a fellow guest that Obama was “talking down to black people.” In the spirit of a plantation owner, Jackson went on to say that wanted to “cut his nuts off.”

According to the L.A. Times, Jackson’s comments almost went unnoticed. The Times reports, “The scathing remarks first came to the attention of an employee working the overnight shift Sunday, who transcribed the tape as part of training for the network’s ongoing digital conversion. Otherwise, ‘it potentially would have not been discovered,” Bill Shine, Fox News’ senior vice president for programming said Thursday.

Jackson did not ask Fox News to hold back the tape which aired Wednesday night on The O’Reilly Factor. Before Fox even aired his comments, Jackson went on CNN Wednesday afternoon to offer up a preemptive apology.

Jackson wanted to hog the spotlight in the worst way and that’s exactly how he did it.

Perhaps he felt personally maligned after Obama’s Father’s Day speech in which the Presidential hopeful told black churchgoers that a father’s responsibility “doesn’t just end at conception.” Wasn’t it Jackson, who just a few years ago finally admitted to cheating on his wife and fathering a child out of wedlock? Some Reverend!

There is no way that a man who is a media savvy as Jesse Jackson didn’t know the microphones in the Fox studio were live. He wanted the world to know his true feelings about Barack Obama.

Jackson, who ran his 1988 Presidential campaign solely on the basis of racial divisiveness, appears to have taken umbrage with Obama’s attempts at unification.

By politely accepting Jackson’s apology, Obama couldn’t have handled the situation any better. Even red state crackers, quick to observe that all black candidates look alike, would be hard pressed not to pick up on the differences between Obama and Jackson.

Looks like Massuh Jackson is going to have to find a higher hangin’ tree to throw his noose around. Time to put in a call to Al Sharpton!

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Frankly, Scarlett, Barack Obama doesn’t give a damn about your emails

June 25th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Scarlett Johansson, star of Ghost World, Match Point and Lost in Translation, has been an Obama supporter since before the first Democratic caucus in Iowa. In an interview with Politico, the 23-year-old actress talks about emailing Obama her thoughts on his performance after some of the debates.

Johansson was rightfully shocked that a man with Senator Obama’s hectic schedule would find time for a new pen pal. “You’d imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly ‘on’ — how can he return these personal e-mails?” she asks. “But he does, and in his off-time I know he also calls people who have donated the minimum to thank them. Nobody sees it, nobody talks about it, but it’s incredible.” She adds, “I feel like I’m supporting someone, and having a personal dialogue with them, and it’s amazing.”

According to a Washington Post blog, while heading to a Hollywood fundraiser, Obama minimized the idea of a social connection with the movie star. He told a group of reporters on the campaign flight that the actress does not have his personal email address. “She sent one email to Reggie, who forwarded it to me,” Obama said, referring to his 26-year-old personal assistant, Reggie Love. “I write saying, ‘thank you Scarlett for doing what you do,’ and suddenly we have this email relationship”

Ivan Bunny quipped, “Looks like this one leaves Ms. Johansson scarlet in the face.”

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Barack Obama wants big-eared Will Smith to portray him in movie

February 29th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Will & Barry

Who’s sane? 

If a movie is ever made about his life in politics, Barry Obama wants Will Smith to star because they both have enormous ears.

Yahoo News quotes the democratic front runner as saying, “”Will Smith and I have talked about this, because he has the ears. He’s better looking than me, but we both have those (ears).”

This “controversy” was sparked by a Zogby/Svedka poll that found 33 per cent of voters would choose Denzel Washington to play Obama, followed by Smith in second place.

Ah, if only David Lean was alive and black. Check out these ashtray-sized listening devices:

dumbo-lean.jpg

Smith, who is currently working on a live-action remake of Dumbo could not be reached for comment.

P. S. to Barry Obama: Get the job first and then worry about a big screen adaptation. 

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