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DVD Review: THE THIRD WHEEL / Jordan Brady (2002)

May 30th, 2008 by Scott Marks

The Third Wheel (2002)
Directed by Jordan Brady
Written by Jay Lacopo
Starring: Luke Wilson, Denise Richards, Jay Lacopo and Ben Affleck
Running Time: 91 min.
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

A friend cramped for space and too lethargic to post them on eBay gave me a stack of DVD screeners that I’ve been trying to auction off. With the exception of Charles Burnett’s The Glass Cube, which wouldn’t sell for ninety-nine cents, there wasn’t anything in the bag that I would ever again sit through or for that matter wanted to see in the first place.

The Third Wheel was another title that wouldn’t sell for a buck if it came with a five-dollar bill wrapped around it. There are eighty-one new and used copies on Amazon starting at thirty-cents, plus two dollars for shipping. You can currently purchase one of the thirty-seven copies available on eBay. Not one of the twenty copies put up for auction last month sold.

Looks like I won myself a DVD.

Before she was eternally dirtied by Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards was the bomb. She appeared to me on The Last Weekend episode of Saved by the Bell…alone, out of the open sewer. They cannot…touch…her…beauty…

She received Joe Dante’s dispensation on an episode of Erie, Indiana as well as appearing in Starship Troopers by Paul Verhoeven’s decree. And if you haven’t seen Tammy and the T-Rex, go ahead. I dare you. You can plant corn in her eyebrows!

Her nude menage in Wild Things will go down in smut history as one of the great R rated sex scenes ever filmed. Before Charlie and a network sitcom muddied the waters, she was poised to become her genrations’ Linda Blair. Denise’s unnatural delivery is easily the most enjoyable aspect of The World is Not Enough, but Valentine is deadly dull.

In The Third Wheel, Luke Wilson plays a shy office worker who spends months admiring Denise from afar. He finally gets the nerve to ask her out and, of course, she accepts. Their idyllic first date is constantly interrupted by a homeless con man (Jay Lacopo) who likes to hurl himself in front of their moving auto.

Lacopo, who also wrote the script, received a thanks in Good Will Hunting’s closing crawl. Two of The Third Wheel’s ten producers are Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, both of who play roles in the film. So much for how the film got financed.

The Third Wheel never received a theatrical release in the States and for the life of me, I can’t honestly say this is any worse than half of the jack Black or Adam Sandler vehicles lining video store shelves. It makes Nacho Libre look like Sherlock, Jr. And Miss Richards is surprisingly good, dare I say naturalistic, as the object of desire. Not quite a performance, but better than anything before or since.

You probably sense from my tone that I am not into giving The Third Wheel a flat tire. Every now and then I come across a film that was worth the effort for one single shot. It’s not enough to entirely redeem the film: if anything a moment of grace emerging in the most unlikely of places can only slightly soften the memories of clumsy execution that came before it.

The last shot in the film is worthy of Frank Borzage. Boy and girl have fallen in love and are seated at an outdoor table enjoying a first kiss while the audience waits for the obligatory spielberg pan-up to the moon. The camera begins to dolly and for a moment appears to want to tilt skyward. Suddenly, the table and its two occupants begin moving with the camera as a hydraulic lift gracefully elevates them through the tree branches and out of sight. It is a lush, beautifully executed bit of movie magic that caps an otherwise routine romantic comedy.

Years from now, after time further blurs a memory already overloaded with statistics, I’ll stumble across The Third Wheel and think for a moment whether or not I had seen it. “I don’t remember seeing it in a theater,” I’ll mutter aloud to the nurse. Once all the pieces fall into place, I guarantee you that whatever remains of my mind will immediately race to the curtain shot. Hey, I know where you can get a copy for $2.30!

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Filed Under DVD, Image Blog, Reviews, Video Mashups

HOLLYWOODLAND / Allen Coulter (2006)

September 5th, 2006 by Scott Marks

Recreating a scene from the “Superman” TV show in HOLLYWOODLAND (2006)

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Hollywoodland (2006)

Directed by: Allen Coulter

Written by: Paul Bernbaum

Cast: Adrien Brody, Diane Lane, Ben Affleck, Bob Hoskins, Lois Smith, Robin Tunney, Larry Cedar, Jeffrey DeMunn, Brad William Henke, Dash Mihok, Molly Parker, Caroline Dhavernas, Kathleen Robertson, Joe Spano, Gareth Williams

Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1

Genres: Crime, Drama, History, Mystery, Thriller

Running Time: 126 min.

Rating: ★★½☆☆

The first two deaths I remember leaving an indelible impression were those of my grandmother and George Reeves. Grandma Marks was as big as a sofa, seldom moved and had a voice that only dogs could hear. We never spent much in the way of quality time together. Superman, on the other hand, was a welcome visitor in my home every week.

Even though I was in kindergarten and yet unable to read, the sight of Clark Kent splattered across the front page of the Chicago American signaled more than a mere career move for the mild mannered reporter. Word on the playground painted a disillusioned Reeves so drunk at a party that he jumped out a window in order to prove that he really could fly. For decades I followed John Ford’s maxim, “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend” and embraced the urban legend as gospel.

What actually happened in George Reeve’s (Ben Affleck) L.A. home on the night of June 16, 1959 has forever been shrouded in mystery. Was he accidentally shot during a tussle with then girlfriend Leonore Lemmon (Robin Tunney)? Perhaps it was spurned ex-love Toni Mannix (Diane Lane), wife of M-G-M studio head Eddie Mannix (Bob Hoskins), who called in a couple of goons to perform a mob hit.

More than likely it was a self-inflicted gunshot administered by a washed up, bourbon-swilling character actor who began his career in Gone with the Wind and saw nothing ahead short of a stint as a professional wrestler.

Hollywoodland never attempts to supply a concrete explanation. We are shown the three versions of Reeve’s death, all from the point-of-view of fictionalized fifties gumshoe Louis Simo’s (Adrien Brody), and asked to draw our own conclusion. The final eight years or so of Reeves’ life are intercut with Simo’s investigation and the private dick trying to establish a name for himself off the scandalous murder.

Attempts to flesh out Simo’s character lead nowhere. A cuckolded client is tacked on to underscore the cheap detective’s anything-for-a-buck nature. He has an ex-wife (Molly Parker) and young kid (Zach Mills) tucked away in the suburbs. Simo’s relationship with his boy must have had more meaning in an earlier draft, and why the film ends on a shot of father and son reunited doesn’t compute.

A favorite occupational pastime is playing Spot the Character Actor. No matter how many times you see Gone with the Wind or From Here to Eternity projected with an audience, invariably someone points to the screen and with a burst of laughter shouts, “Hey, it’s Superman!” In the film’s most poignant scene, Reeve’s attends an audience preview of FHTE where his brief on-screen appearance opposite Burt Lancaster is met with cheers of “Great Caesar’s Ghost!”

The sharpest name for the film would have been Who Killed Superman?, but Warner Bros., who owns the rights to the multi-million dollar franchise, would never have let it fly. They nixed the original title, Truth, Justice and the American Way, and insisted that Focus Features refrain from using the ‘S’ insignia in any promotional material. Ironically, they did let Affleck don the costume for a couple of scenes, but wouldn’t license the TV show’s opening credits which had to be re-filmed.

Some films don’t hold up well on a second viewing and such was the case of Hollywoodland. George Reeve’s death has followed me my entire life. I’ve read all the books and studied both A&E’s Biography and the E! True Hollywood Story. Initially, I was in this for the plot, not the artistry, and managed to have a pretty good time. When an out of town guest asked to attend a subsequent preview, I gladly obliged.

The second time around the performances looked even better. There isn’t an actor alive today more suitable to playing beefy dunderhead Reeves than Ben Affleck. Both are marginally talented pretty boys who used their looks to launch Hollywood careers. Although his accent wavers, this is the closest Affleck’s come to handing in a full-scale performance. Brody is perfectly cast in a role originally intended for Hugh Jackman, and Diane Lane is once again indispensable.

The film’s alternating Brody/Affleck/Brody/Affleck structure didn’t improve with age and Coulter’s direction is at best impersonal. Here is an example of the story as auteur and as such would make a four-star episode of Unsolved Mysteries.

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Filed Under Reviews, Theatrical