Google
 

The Farrelly Bros. will direct “new” Three Stooges comedy

November 3rd, 2008 by Scott Marks

VISIT THIS SITE, I’M WARNING YOU!!!

It’s even more unthinkable than colorizing Kane. Would anyone dare suggest making a new Marx Bros. or John Wayne movie? You can’t! Perhaps one day technology will get to the point where actors can be digitally recreated, but we’re not there yet.

A Three Stooges biopic would be bad enough, but even that’s been done. Remember the Mel Gibson produced made-for-TV biography of the boys? (I guess if Jews are funny and violent enough, Mel will give them a pass.) Even with a talented director like James Frawley at the helm, it’s impossible to dramatize morons. When they signed with Columbia in the early 30s, the Stooges were taking home $20,000 a week. When their contract ended in 1959, their salary remained the same. Why didn’t Moe poke Harry Cohen in the eyes and demand more dough? BECAUSE THEY’RE STOOGES!

It may not be fashionable to admit, but I love The Three Stooges as much as Scorsese, Keaton and Ozu. Maybe not for the same reasons, but with equal fervor. You should have seen my fat ass hurry home every day after school to study the Boys on WGN-TV’s Andy Star’s Old Odeon Theatre.  Never more have I regretted being an only child then when Andy reminded his infantile audience that the Stooges were actors and kids at home should not try any of their shenanigans on their little brothers an sisters.

Someone should lock the Farrelly Bros. in a room with a bunch of Stooged-up toddlers and a table saw. According to Market Saw, the Farrelly Bros. and screenwriter Michael Cerrone are planning a big screen, 3D Stooge feature. I can almost hear Moe reaching from his grave to pull a bunch of weeds off of Larry’s.

The Boston Globe reports both Sacha Baron Cohen and Ricky Gervais are being eyed for the leads. Cohen is 6′ 3″ while the average Stooge stood about 4′ 2″. How about Michale Chiklis as Joe Besser, Armin Mueller-Stahl as Emil Sitka, Kathleen Turner as “Tiny,” Al Pacino as Shemp (he has the right height and filthy hair), Rev. Jeremiah Wright as Dudley Dickerson and wouldn’t Merlin Olsen make a sweet “Bustoff?”

Shemp and Moe Farrelly spent the past five years trying to unsuccessfully sell Warner Bros. on the idea. They instead convinced the knuckleheads at MGM to make the picture.

The studio has announced a Nov. 20, 2009 release date on the film. Is that before or after the Farrelly’s hotly anticipated Walter the Farting Dog will be released?

General Larry Fine

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Filed Under Gossip