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Comedian Andy Dick arrested for forcibly removing minor girl’s tube top in SoCal wing bar parking lot

July 16th, 2008 by Scott Marks

A Mug of Dick

As the saying goes, Andy Dick couldn’t get arrested as a comedian. Instead, Dick was arrested Wednesday morning in Murrieta, Calif., on suspicion of sexual battery and drug possession.

The Murrieta Police Department responded to call at the Buffalo Wild Wings eatery to investigate a disturbance involving an intoxicated male urinating outside the bar. Just before 2 a.m. the cops arrested Andy Dick in the restaurant parking lot.

Acting on eyewitness information, officers flagged down a truck that they believed contained a passenger that had sexually battered a 17-year-old female outside Buffalo Wild Wings. The victim and several witnesses told police that as Dick was leaving the location, he approached a couple of young women outside the bar. They allege that Dick walked up to one of the females and pulled down her tank top exposing her breasts.

Dick’s companions quickly escorted him to a nearby truck which moments later was pulled over in a nearby Sam’s Club parking lot by arriving police. Cops removed an intoxicated Dick from the front passenger seat and performed a curbside lineup where he was instantly ID’d by his young victim. Officers patted down Dick and found pot and Xanax in the pockets of his pants.

Over the years Dick has cultivated quite an impressive reputation as the master of “death by association.” The Dick was close friends with David “Suicide Victim” Strickland, Phil “Murder Victim: Hartman, Chris “Accidental Overdose” Farley and Pauly Shore’s career. Andy is his generations’ Elizabeth Taylor! My prayers go out to his cell mate.

Bail has been set at $5,000; Dick’s next court date is set for Aug. 12.

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American Idol interrupted by Mexican gas commercial

April 8th, 2008 by Scott Marks

american_idol.jpg

Okay. I watch American Idol. It’s good when I can make you laugh. I actually thought I’d finish the season without letting my dirty secret out.

Settling in with a bowl of corn, I’m not allowed to savor the genius of Ryan Seacrist’s introduction before a cutaway transports me south of the border. Maybe it was part of Idol Gives Back, but that was supposed to run tomorrow night.

There were two dead giveaways that something was afoul: This guy was going on in Spanish far too long and the camera never moved. That’s not my Idol.

It appeared to be a pitch from the Mexican government to help settle the oil crisis. This was obviously a calculated move to get the attention of a large audience. It wasn’t just San Diego’s Fox channel that was being jammed. Several other English language speaking stations also simulcast the infomercial. I don’t speak Spanish, so I’m not exactly sure what was being said, but the damn guy jabbered on for 15 precious minutes.

To make matters worse, his delivery was very pitchy. To add further confusion, when the segment ended there was no booth announcer alerting the audience that “we now return to American Idol already in progress.”

Damn, dog! God damn! I missed San Diego’s own Carly Smithson’s performance. How am I going to know what number to text at 9 pm?

Jumping our border is one thing, crashing American Idol another. If you want fifteen minutes of prime time coverage, buy it legally, cavrone.

All right, since the cat’s out of the bag, what’s with Jason Castro’s crappy rendition of Over the Rainbow? Judy Garland fans goof on him. He looked like Tiny Tim with that big schnitz and his ukulele.

Go David Archuleta!!!

UPDATE 

So much for my American Idol scoop. It seems as though I am the only one who saw this Mexican informercial, probably because I am the only one in the entire free world who doesn’t get cable. The show ran in its entirety everywhere with the exception of over the airwaves. Someone was asleep at the wheel and probably pressed the wrong button.

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