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Remembering Frank Sinatra on the ten year anniversary of his death

May 14th, 2008 by Scott Marks

The last time I saw Frank Sinatra was when he opened Chicago’s United Center in October of 1994 and just about everyone was preparing for the worst. It had been six years since Frank brought the ill-fated Rat Pack reunion to Chicago and many were saying that this would be The Voice’s last groan.

Dean was not functioning in top form and by the time the reunion tour reached the Windy City, he was replaced by Judy Garland’s daughter Liza Minnelli. Liza was so much younger and more energetic than Frank and Sam that at times she appeared to be more their floor nurse than a co-headliner. Dean would have herniated a disc were he to have attempted to hoist Sammy and “accept” him on behalf of the N.A.A.C.P. Liza didn’t even try.

Frank, Liza & Sammy - The Ultimate Event!

Frank was out of it, Sammy unduly effusive (even for a performer who put the sincere in insincerity), and Liza made Sammy appear modest by comparison. It made for a fascinating evening, but not for any of the reasons you’d have wanted. The unintentional laughs soon eclipsed any chances of witnessing awe-inspiring artistry that only the biggest of stages could hold.

That’s were my mind was when Charlie Flashback invited me to join him for Frank’s inaugural appearance at Chicago’s brand new United Center. Only a Sinatra (or the store) could get Charlie to leave his house and I lucked out because his girlfriend Nasus (they are still together) didn’t want to be bored by the Chairman and refused to go.

It was my third and final time seeing Frank perform live. My choice viewing was obviously the earliest, at Caesar’s Palace in the early 80s. While a far cry from his ring-a-ding early 60s prime, the voice was strong and his phrasing a work of art. Frank’s between-songs patter was thick-tongued Hoboken served haphazardly to the audience whether they wanted it or not. Of course they wanted it. Even Frank’s stalest “fag” joke, and there were several, drew grateful howls from the adoring assemblage.

My first inkling that Sinatra was slipping came during the 1984 Academy Awards when he presented the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award to Mike J. Frankovich, or as the confused Sinatra started to say, “Frank Mikeovich.” Vanity forbade Frank from wearing his glasses that evening and when an anxious cue card boy started flipping them too fast, the result was sixty seconds of non-stop hilarious blunders. At times he drifts into Jerry Lewis territory with sentences trailing off into nice and good nice things like that too. Other time he simply can’t keep up.

As the closed captioning proves, it was all written out ahead of time. If Frank put as much time into memorizing the brief speech as he did adjusting the schmate on his head he’d have been in and out, no embarrassment noted. Or God forbid try something spontaneous. I am constantly amazed that this man, who was capable of such eloquent phrasing, couldn’t wrap his tongue around a few simple words unless there was a band backing him up.

Later that same year, Frank was the premiere guest on the first The Jerry Lewis Show, a one week pilot for Fox. I have studied these things in such detail that the oxides have separated from the magnetic stock. Until tape of Sammy and Company surfaces, this is the closest we’ll get to a real-life Sammy Maudlin Show. Everyone and every thing was marvelous and lovely and when it came to puffing, Frank was no slouch. To further underscore his slow slide into dementia, while trying to assure Jerry that he had a hit on his hands, Frank points a thumb in Charlie Callas’ direction and says, “How can you miss with a crazy nut like this?”

The answer is, by a mile.

When he opened the United Center ten years later reports of flubbed lyrics and cumulus-sized cue cards were making headlines. Many wished that Frank would avoid further embarrassment by putting an “amen” on his career.

Eight months earlier the Grammys showed great disrespect by cutting off Frank’s rambling acceptance speech. For once it wasn’t the case of “It’s Frank’s World and We Just Live In It.” The mellow crooner loosened up and actually tried to fit it. Frank Sinatra was moved to tears, for Christ’s sake! Zoom in, don’t cut away! The powers that be interpreted it as the incoherent ramblings of an old man, sensed a ratings drop and pulled the plug on Old Blue Eyes.

I entered the United Center expecting a train wreck and left a bigger fan than ever. My effervescence had nothing to do with opening act Don Rickles. I saw Rickles with Bob Newhart at the Riviera in 1977 and later at Chicago’s Mill Run Theatre where Vic Damone opened for him. Oooohhh! I love Rickles and always have. I could watch him work up a sweat for hours, but that night in 1994 he simply wasn’t funny. There was nothing fresh about his material; the “black guy” was still in the back row singing Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah and everything appeared forced and predictable.

I’ll tell you what did make me howl, but if you join in the laughter I can ensure you a spot in hell next to me. Come close and let me warm you with this hopelessly tasteless remembrance.

It was not only the last time I saw Sinatra, it was also the last time I saw Irv Kupcinet in person. When Charlie did leave the house he went first cabin and the seats, while not on the main floor, were damn good. Good enough to have Mr. Chicago seated a few rows down from us. Charlie brought binoculars and I spent as much time time spying on Kup and Essee as I did studying Sinatra. 90% of the time Rickles was on my eyes were glued to the Kups.

Here’s where the road to hell begins. How did I know that Kup was going to be there? I didn’t, and when he appeared as if from the heavens, my brain started doing flip-flops. Kup was as big as the Statue of Liberty and twice as weathered. He was fairly frail and the sight of an old, disoriented Kup trying to descend the narrow steps in the dark was a real pisser. He looked like a marionette whose puppeteer suddenly had a coughing seizure. At one point his handler had to wrap his arms around Kup’s waist and guide him down the stairs. (Charlie probably still has bruises from where I elbowed him.) Essee, following closely behind and in heels no less, was almost as funny.

I had my fill of old age humor by the time Frank took to the stage and was bracing myself for another hour’s worth. It turned out to be about a fifty minute set and while Frank’s blue eyes were indeed old, he was hitting the high notes and didn’t fumble a lyric. How could he have? The teleprompter was almost as big as the electronic billboard that announced Charles Foster Kane’s death.

He must have sensed that this would be his last string of public appearances as the generally arrogant patter quickly made way for sentimental effusion. There were a couple of complaints concerning song choices. With Halloween a week away, he failed to deliver any Witchcraft and even more surprising, the evening’s playlist didn’t include either Chicago or My Kind of Town.

Twenty years earlier and Frank would have exited the stage to a limo waiting to whisk him to booth #1 at the Pump Room where Kup and Essee would regale in his presence till the wee small hours. With the top of the hourglass almost empty, Frank was lucky to sneak a nip from one of the hotel’s bellboys and the strongest thing Essee and Kup would drink that night was a glass of Metamucil.

It was one of those nights where I literally watched an era draw to a close before my eyes. As we exited the United Center that evening one could swear that even the wind was crying.

Links:
Frank Sinatra photos

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Behind the scenes at Emulsion Compulsion

May 10th, 2008 by Scott Marks

54 could be the most underrated American film of the 1990s. Start with the dialectical…

I’m kidding. What do you take me for? I’ve had more entertainment in burn wards.

Aside from the babes, this thing is unclean, but on a personal level, it holds great sentimental significance. I became buddies with Charles Mxyzptlk (an alias, his first name isn’t Charles) in the late 80s when I stumbled into Flashback Collectibles’ Belmont Ave. location. We’ve remained close friends for over twenty years…well, as close as anyone is allowed to get to him. Hey, he actually took time away from the store (a rarity) to come to Columbia College for my big Jerry Lewis interview. Pop culture maven that he is, Charles was shocked when he didn’t see a piano on stage for our guest to sing Great Balls of Fire.

Charlie Flashback(s), as the mental patients who frequented the store liked to call him, is my partner in this virtual insane asylum. I pee celluloid and my site consort never goes to the movies. 54 is not only the last film we saw together, it’s the only film we ever saw together and that includes home video. (He did once slip me a couple of Traci Lords videos which I immediately burned.)

Talking to Charles about film is like talking to me about sports. Give it up. Once in a while I will slip up and start rambling about a new movie and through the phone lines between San Diego and a bunker on the Chicago/Wisconsin border, I can hear Charles looking at his watch.

Charles and I constantly fight. Who else is going to talk to us? He supports Operation Free Iraq and I swear by passive resistance. He’s a tekkie and I’m all about aesthetics. Charles made his fortune selling Brady Bunch lunchboxes and John Wayne Gacy t-shirts. When O. J. Simpson commited double-murder, Charlie was the first man in Chicago to cash in on the tragedy and I was there to help!

When I stumbled across this ad in an old copy of Premiere Magazine, I had to laugh. If the motion picture industry relied on guys like Charlie to keep box office cash registers ringing we’d all be in the dark watching television.

I asked Charlie if there wasn’t one movie that he actually considered seeing in a theater over the past twenty years. There was one: ***Timpanl*** Ben Stein’s Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. At first I thought he said Benie Stein, former owner of the Golf Mill Theatre where we saw our one and only picture together.

It wasn’t the Golf Mill goniff, but a right wing documentary about Bush’s pet version of Scientoloty written by an “actor” who was discovered by John Hughes. I’m sure the visuals were as compelling as Stein’s patronizing, monotone delivery.

Unfortunately the film bypassed San Diego on its way to airplanes for I would surely love to explore the only movie that Charles almost saw.

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