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Drew Carey may finally do something funny tonight

July 26th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Hippolyta, COME ON DOWN!!!

Drew Carey, the jarhead, stripper-idolizing host of The Price is Right, says he’s “very, very excited” to be narrating William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream in concert tonight with the Cleveland Orchestra. This could do for Carey’s career what The Jazz Singer did to Jerry Lewis - absolutely nothing.

What is it with comedians never being satisfied with their innate gift to make people laugh? Name the famous comic and you are guaranteed to find a failed dramatic role lurking somewhere in their list of credits. Remember Lucy as the bag lady in Stone Pillow? It took Woody Allen’s break with Ingmar Bergman and subsequent shift to Hitchcock before he was finally able to make a satisfactory dramatic film shorn of laugh lines. Robin Williams is one of the few exceptions to the rule inasmuch as his dramatic roles are infinitely more palpable than any of his manic antics.

Tonight marks the first time in my life that I am actually saddened not to be in Cleveland.

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Judy Garland Back From The Dead For Two Nights Only!!!

June 10th, 2008 by Scott Marks

The Lufts: Joey, Judy, Lorna & ‘One Punch’

This time we don’t have Liza to blame. Not even Lorna. Joey Luft, son of Liza’s mother and Sid ‘One Punch’ Luft, is out promoting a concert that features videos of Judy singing her greatest hits with the symphonic below average white band The Boston Pops backing them up.

“I’ll never forget watching my mom perform,” Joey cooed, “the passion she brought to the stage and the way she could captivate an audience. I believe Judy Garland In Concert captures that experience.”

This is not your average tribute show. This is not a Jim Bailey lookalike. Hell, this is barely passsable entertainment!

In their glorified press release, Billboard calls Judy “the original American Idol,” Given the amount of work he must have put into signing the contract, that makes Joey the original idle American.

“This is the great American songbook of the 20th century performed by the foremost interpreter of these songs,” said James Sanna, Executive Producer of Judy Garland In Concert. “In every respect, it’s the greatest Judy Garland concert ever. Audiences are in for an amazing one-of-a-kind experience that includes favorites like Over the Rainbow, That’s Entertainment, Chicago and many others.”

Don’t they know that Judy’s greatest concert was that fateful night in 1956 when she found herself “indisposed” and called on Jerry Lewis to take to the Vegas stage for his first solo performance after the breakup with Dean?

For you necrophiliacs and/or Baby Gumm fanatics, tickets are on sale now at Boston’s Symphony Hall Box Office. Prices for the June 28 & 29 “concerts” range from $19 to $87. You’d be better off spending your money on the 3 DVD Wizard of Oz box set.

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Jerry Lewis performs at the Fantasy Springs Resort Casino

June 1st, 2008 by Scott Marks

Comedian / Filmmaker / Writer / Director / Inventor / Pussycat Mush / Mime / Conductor / Singer / Humanitarian / 9-Year Old Idiot / Jerry Lewis gave his big concert last night at the Fantasy Springs Resort Casino in the Coachella Valley.

While the reviews are not in as of yet, it’s certain that everyone in attendance had a marvelous, marvelous time.

The rest of the photos can be found at MyDesert.com.

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Miley Cyrus thanks fans (and God) for supporting her

May 4th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Lesbo Miley?

Miley Cyrus took to the stage at the Disney Channel Games concert last night. After finishing her set, she told the crowd, “”I hope you had an awesome time. I saw a sign back there that said, ‘Miley, I’m praying for you.’ I could not be more appreciative. Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you.”

Don’t look now, knucklehead, but if there is a God, She has more important things to worry about than Miley’s recent indiscretions. Besides, wasn’t it God who directed her to flash that infamous green bra on a webcam and later strip down for Annie Liebovitz’s lens? And I suppose God told her to kiss another teenage girl while sharing a piece of licorice. Did Miley fall to her knees and thank Her for that, too?

The most puzzling aspect of the People Magazine report is their contention that “Cyrus opted to skip Friday night’s Disney Channel Games media party.” According to earlier reports, Disney officials felt that the Hanna Montana star had, “”thrown her status as a role model for young girls into question” and asked that she not attend.

Links:
Miley Cyrus told by Disney to skip tonight’s media party
Miley Cyrus: Jamie Lee Curtis blames her parents for topless photo
Miley Cyrus flashes her bra in new Disney photo scandal

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Jerry Lewis Live and In Person - One Night Only Coachella Casino Concert in May!

March 11th, 2008 by Scott Marks

fantasy-springs-resort-casino.jpg

JERRY LEWIS TO PERFORM MAY 31

March 10, 2008

It’s not exactly The Sands, but the original jerk will be appearing live and in concert at Fantasy Springs Resort Casino at the end of May.

Comedian / Filmmaker / Writer / Director / Inventor / Pussycat Mush / Mime / Conductor / Singer / Humanitarian / 9-Year Old Idiot / Jerry Lewis makes a return visit to the Coachella Valley for a one-night stand at at the casino.

Tickets for the May 31, 8 p.m. concert — Lewis’ only Southern California date this spring — go on sale at 10 a.m. Friday.

Tickets for the concert are $59, $79 and $89 through the casino box office and online at at FantasyResort.com on Friday morning.

Fantasy Springs Resort Casino is located at 84245 Indio Springs Parkway in Indio. Information/box office: (760) 342-5000.

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OPERATION MYSPACE set to waterboard our troops with Jessica Simpson & The Pussycat Dolls

February 29th, 2008 by Scott Marks

The Road to Kuwait

“We’re off on the road to Kuwait-ee, this Humvee is rough on the spine…”

The boys at MySpace, a division of News Corp.’s Fox Interactive Media, have come up with a concert aimed at entertaining America’s troops in Kuwait. And you thought Abu Ghraib was a torture chamber?

Dubbed Operation MySpace, the cavalcade will feature pop acts The Pussycat Dolls and Jessica Simpson, rock bands Disturbed and Filter, electronic artist DJ Z-Trip, and comedian Carlos Mencia. Suddenly the Gold Diggers, Phyllis Diller, Joey Heatherton and Jerry Colonna sound good.

In a statement, MySpace co-founder Tom Anderson said “For years troops stationed all over the world have utilized MySpace as a lifeline to communicate with their loved ones back home. I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to thank them in person and bring along the entire MySpace community.”

Emulsion Compulsion is pleading with President Bush to put an end to the war before this heinous assault takes place. Haven’t our troops suffered enough without the help of Jessica Simpson and The Pussycat Dolls? “We’re so excited to be performing for the troops and supporting our Armed Forces overseas,” a statement from the over-glorified lap-dancers read. “They’d better get ready…the desert’s about to get a lot hotter!” Can you feel the vomit at the back of your throat begin to rise? No wonder “singer” Carmit Bachar quit the group!

For those not fortunate enough to know any Kuwaiti scalpers, the March 10 show will be live-streamed on the Web starting at 11 a.m. Pacific time, right here!

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