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Miley Cyrus thinking of leaving “Hannah Montana” ?!?! Blow out the pilot light!

July 29th, 2008 by Scott Marks

It can’t be. Say it ain’t so. This is more cataclysmic than when WOR axed The Howard Stern Summer Show after only two seasons!

Miley Cyrus is talking about leaving Hannah Montana! The chipmunk-faced teen sensation told E! News, “We’re thinking this is our last season.”

Hey, Miley — I have five words for you: “Screech.” Forget about that yente Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s time you turned to Dustin Diamond as your role model. No matter how much producer Peter “Der Vicer” Engel tried to dilute and degrade the character (towards the end Screech became Mr. Belding’s bitch) Dustin rode that Saved by the Bell wave until The New Class got old and the show was canceled. Diamond even went on to appear in a porno film. I ask you, is there a better person alive to guide Miley’s career than Screech Powers?

C’mon, Miley don’t kill of Hannah. It can’t possibly take much work to film that three-camera crapola. There will be plenty of time for you to make more 3D movies, pose in various sorts of undress and even make that racy feature you’ve been jockeying for. Besides, the normally tight fisted folks at Mouse-TV will surely line your coffers with enough dough to keep you in bubble gum, stock options and “FU” money for the rest of your life.

Continue reading Miley Cyrus thinking of leaving “Hannah Montana” ?!?! Blow out the pilot light!

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Filed Under Gossip

Bob & Dolores Hope: Manufactured Fidelity

January 24th, 2008 by Scott Marks

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I promise you, this will be that last Bob Hope column I write…for at least 20 minutes.

About.com would not allow me to leave a comment or surely I would have. Sheri and Bob Stritof wrote a Celebrity Marriage column about Bob and “Delores” Hope and the spelling of Mrs. Hope’s name in the article’s title isn’t the only thing they got wrong.

“If you are looking for a positive example of a celebrity marriage, you don’t have to look any further than the life long union of Bob Hope and Dolores Reade.”

Oh, what a load of crap.

Bob Hope was a philandering serial-shtupper who set up a stabbin’ cabin not far from his Toluca Lake version of Xanadu so that he and Marilyn Maxwell didn’t have to try and conceal their identities from hotel desk clerks. And how many of those USO show chippies did Bob plow through?

Sheri and Bob continue: “We remember hearing Bob and Dolores share many, many years ago on a television interview that they had some rough times in their marriage journey. They revealed that what kept them together was not only their love and respect for each other, but their firm belief in the vows they made to one another when they married. Unlike many celebrity marriages, there was no hint of scandal about the Hope household.”

If Bob broke 75 at Apache Wells as many times as he shattered his marriage vows he would have made Tiger Woods look like Harold Russell. And that “hint of scandal” talk is pure bunk. Back then, reporters lived by a more gentlemanly code and held back when a story threatened to ruin a performer’s career. This was particularly true when it came to celebrity philandering where the male cheater was frequently looked upon as a cool stud.

That’s not to say our current media fixation on camcorder documentation of celebrity minutiae is the best way to go about reporting on their lives, but if the truth be told, I like it when Hollywood is put under a microscope. For almost 30 years nary a week has passed without my dose of The National Enquirer and the same hold true with my decade-old obsession with The Globe. (I used to read The Star, but quit after it became too much like People and US Weakly.)

Movie stars are nothing more than high-paid civilians that eat, sleep and s–t just like the rest of us. If you choose to live your life in the glare of the public spotlight, don’t whine when some of the darker corners of existence become illuminated. If anything, these piggish paparazzi have a knack for humanizing the stars. I’d love to see pictures of Mealy Cyrus hiding a smoke or Tom Cruise exiting a limo without his panties. The flashing photogs capture flaws that in a strange way manage to make celebs seem more human.

There is a difference between lying and not telling the truth. I’m all for not printing dirt, just don’t perpetuate the whitewashing lies invented to cover it up.

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Filed Under Rants

A few last minute Bob Hope Christmas items, Right Here!

December 23rd, 2007 by Scott Marks

1954 Bob Hope Family Christmas Card
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Bad Santa

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“He’s cold as ice, but he’s so nice!”

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Filed Under Image Blog

Christmas Stocking Stuffer: The I Love Dolores Hope T-Shirt

December 17th, 2007 by Scott Marks

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“Hi, Sweeties. It’s me, Dolores here to tell you about my new line of resort wear. I’m kicking off the Dolores Reade Hope Collection with these smart cotton schmates. I want all you Palm Springs swingers and Rodeo Drive dollies to buy a drawer full of these. It’s not about money. I pay fifty-cents for the shirts and a buck for the decals. Linda irons them on in the basement for a dime a shirt. I’ll give the rags away if I have to. I deserve the fame and recognition, dammit. For years I got cold standing in Bob’s shadow. He was shacking up with unspeakable harlots while I stayed home and raised our adopted children…with the help of our Guatemalan maid, Chok-Su. You owe me. You all owe me for what I had to endure in the name of entertainment! I don’t want to see a walker or wheelchair within 30 miles of Toluca Lake that isn’t sporting my “I Love Dolores Hope” trademark. Let’s get cracking. If that Van Dutch can do it, so can I. And buy my CDs, too! Those ‘Road’ pictures blow. I’m the star!”

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Filed Under Rants

Hey, how ’bout a Christmas card from Bob & Dolores Hope, right here!

December 6th, 2007 by Scott Marks

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Bob would rather have been anywhere but with his family at Christmas. Hey, I wanna’ tell you between all those unruly adopted brats and Dolores’ two-hundred choruses of Jack Frost you’d climb in a foxhole with Kaye Stevens, too.

Hey, thanks to that Rob Martinez’s nutty yule blog for swiping this from Casa Toluca Lake.

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Filed Under Image Blog, Rants