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AKELLAH AND THE BEE / Doug Atchison (2006)

April 22nd, 2006 by Scott Marks

Killer Bee

Keke Palmer in AKEELAH AND THE BEE (2006)

Akeelah and the Bee (2006)

Directed by: Doug Atchison

Written by: Doug Atchison

Genres: Drama

Cast: Keke Palmer, Laurence Fishburne, Angela Bassett, Curtis Armstrong, J.R. Villarreal, Sean Michael, Sahara Garey, Lee Thompson Young, Julito McCullum, Erica Hubbard, Eddie Steeples, Dalia Phillips, Tzi Ma, Jeris Poindexter, Sara Niemietz

Aspect Ratio: 2.35 : 1

Running Time: 121 min.

The independent documentary Spellbound inexplicably captured the hearts of the middle-class. Soon after, ESPN began prime time broadcasts of spelling bee championships. (Were there Vegas odds on the kids?) If The Exorcist can spawn Abby and The Godfather beget Disco Godfather, why shouldn’t contemporary black filmmakers cash in on a killer bee craze? What’s next? Kung-fu Scrabble? Inuit Perquackey?

Jews were first to hop on the cinematic bandwagon with Bee Season. Why is okay for goyisha kup Richard Gere to play a Jew? Audiences would have rioted had he undertaken Larry Fishburne’s role as Akeelah’s coach in blackface. Just keepin’ it real.

With the exception of Keke Palmer’s breakthrough performance as Akeelah, there is nothing even remotely unique about the picture. Akeelah and her friends all speak a compulsory style of Hollywood ebonics so that coach Fishburne, over enunciating in a manner that makes James Earl Jones sound like Georgie Jessel, can later rid her of the habit.

Akkelah’s mom tells her to turn off the TV during dinner. Her brother asks Akeelah to flip to ESPN for him to check a score. Wouldn’t you know it? Instead of a football game, the spelling bee championships just happen to be on. Don’t you hate when an unskilled screenwriter has to rely on cutting to a TV screen at just the right moment to help advance the plot?

What about spelling coaches with dead daughters finding students with dead fathers to mutually feed off of? Do you smell that? It’s the stench of an ABC Sunday Night Movie burning through the screen. The only trick director Atchison missed was having the bee unite Fishburne and Basset in happily-ever-after-hood. They made a much better Ike and Tina Turner. Someone should re-dub the dialogue from What’s Love Got to Do With It under this. When Akeelah sloughs off at the beginning, intercut the shot of Ike saying, “Girl, you got more excuses than a nigga’ on his way to jail.” You can see what I was thinking about in order to pass time and get through this.

As reported on imdb.com, during a Q&A at the Tribeca Film Festival, a brave audience member had the fortitude to call Atchison out on the film’s haphazard editing style, particularly the numerous forced transition shots. Atchison did what any lightweight filmmaker would have done in a similar situation. He blamed the projectionist for sloppy reel changes.

Starbucks bankrolled the muddy brew. Can you spell VINEGAR MACCHIATO? I was embarrassed to be holding a cup of their product during the screening. If they dispensed coffee as poorly as they greenlight well-intentioned film projects, rest room walls across America would be coated with projectile crappucino.

People who never watch films made before 1990 and/or children under the age of eight will probably find Akeelah refreshingly contrivance-free. The power of Oprah will compel her zombies to dutifully buy tickets. Give me “Stick It’s” anti-competitive sports message any day!

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

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Filed Under Reviews, Theatrical