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Emulsion Compulsion’s Top Ten Most Popular Posts

September 7th, 2008 by Scott Marks

With the Telethon still illuminating the inner recesses of my mind, I thought that with your kind indulgence ladies and gentlemen, you might allow me to add a dash of information to the entertainment and take you behind the scenes to further understand why we do what we do.  After several cost prohibitive toll calls to Emulsion Compulsion’s Fort Wayne, Indiana-based law firm Bigschnoz, Shylock and Cochran, I finally received permission to print these rather surprising statistics.

What follows is a list of the top ten biggest hit-getting posts in EC’s history.

  1. EC’s biggest hit-getter to date is also its most recent phenomenon. In a little over two weeks, the Gentlemen Prefer Blondes image gallery has received tens of thousands of visits. Not bad for a couple of girls from Little Rock!
  2. Rielle Hunter - EC was one of the first web sites to report on the National Enquirer’s discovery of John Edwards’ “love child.” I caught some shrapnel from a couple of EC regulars for devoting so much space to this seemingly non-film related caprice.  Hey, she’s a filmmaker. Shut up!
  3. Sydney Pollack - Once again, the Enquirer is my Shepherd. It leadeth me to the sad discovery that the beloved film director had terminal cancer. No one would dare print the Enquirer’s findings, except for yours truly. If you run “Sidney Pollack” and “cancer” through Google, EC still comes up in the top five. As much as I hate to admit it, this is the only decent and positive story to appear on this blog. Not only did it reach Mr. Pollack’s granddaughter, my coverage actually put the late director in touch with several of his high school cronies.
  4. Audrey Hepburn - Still the most beautiful and one of the most talented actresses of all time, the biggest shock is that Ms. Hepburn’s image gallery isn’t #1.
  5. Molly Cyrus and…
  6. Keith Ledger - Never underestimate the American publics’ inability to spell. It’s not foolproof, however. What works for Sherry O Terry, Sidney Pollack and Joel Wickland has no effect whatsoever on Jerry Louis or Martin Scorcese.
  7. Jerry Lewis - Considering the marvelous tchotchkes from my private warehouse stoked with Jerryabilia and all of crap I’ve written about my hero, I should change the name of the site to Timpani Compulsion.
  8. Earlier this year, I wrote a piece of 40 Movie Remakes planned by the studios which the gluttons for punishment that frequent this site couldn’t get enough of.
  9. Joan Crawford -  The anti-Audrey has quite a following on EC, particularly these before and after shots of the haggard Hollywood glamor queen.
  10. Finally, people seem to be genuinely interested in my list of Films to See Before You Die.

My personal favorite post is this one. While doing my daily “research,” I happened across the name Jerry Mahoney, half of my favorite childhood ventriloquist act.  Were people still talking about Paul Winchell’s puppet? Of course not. A Piscataway, NJ police officer named Jerry Mahoney was shot to death by his son John Mahoney, and all this reporter could see was Frazier’s father drawing a bead on a dummy. (Will Knucklehead be next?) People were outraged and EC received its one and only piece of hate mail, an angry letter from a Jersey resident claiming that I have “a sick mind.” In the words of Stan Schmenge, “That’s for sure!”

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Emulsion Compulsion finds Readership in Chicago

July 28th, 2008 by Scott Marks

At last I’ve become a whatever became of!!! Thanks to my pal J.R. Jones for remembering this old Chicagoan with a terrific mention on the Chicago Reader’s Movie Blog. When J.R. joined Facebook, he did a search on Groucho Marx and not surprisingly, my name came up. Ten years ago J.R. wrote a profile piece that nailed me. Wish I could provide a link, but it’s not in The Reader’s on-line archive. Mention it next time you see me and I’ll recite it for you verbatim. J.R. has assumed the recently retired Jonathan Rosenbaum’s spot as The Reader’s #1 critic, and he continues to make the site one of the finest outlets for film criticism on line. In the words of that grate Chicagoan Sig Sackowicz, “Hey, buddy, thanks for taking the time!”

***UPDATE***

I just received a note from J.R. Jones informing me that my Reader interview is on line. Just go to J.R.’s article and click on my name.

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Mazel Tov: Emulsion Compulsion is One Year Old Today!

June 1st, 2008 by Scott Marks

It seems like only yesterday that I was writing a crappy AOL blog that even I didn’t read. What a difference a year makes. Now there are ads for Spike Lee and Indian dating services. Look how far we’ve come from the river, Charlie.

Thanks to a merry band or irregulars that hang on my every review and bit of sordid gossip, and whose comments frequently outshine The Master’s (John Schultz’s choice of words…and mine).

Look! I got a birthday card from Jean-Luc Godard!

So long as celebs keep dying, you can rest assured that Emulsion Compulsion will continue to deliver the finest obituaries anywhere on the net! And pictures? You don’t want to know what goes on in the bowels of the Image Vault!

As a gift to you, Martin Scorsese’s first film What’s a Nice Girl Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

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Behind the scenes at Emulsion Compulsion

May 10th, 2008 by Scott Marks

54 could be the most underrated American film of the 1990s. Start with the dialectical…

I’m kidding. What do you take me for? I’ve had more entertainment in burn wards.

Aside from the babes, this thing is unclean, but on a personal level, it holds great sentimental significance. I became buddies with Charles Mxyzptlk (an alias, his first name isn’t Charles) in the late 80s when I stumbled into Flashback Collectibles’ Belmont Ave. location. We’ve remained close friends for over twenty years…well, as close as anyone is allowed to get to him. Hey, he actually took time away from the store (a rarity) to come to Columbia College for my big Jerry Lewis interview. Pop culture maven that he is, Charles was shocked when he didn’t see a piano on stage for our guest to sing Great Balls of Fire.

Charlie Flashback(s), as the mental patients who frequented the store liked to call him, is my partner in this virtual insane asylum. I pee celluloid and my site consort never goes to the movies. 54 is not only the last film we saw together, it’s the only film we ever saw together and that includes home video. (He did once slip me a couple of Traci Lords videos which I immediately burned.)

Talking to Charles about film is like talking to me about sports. Give it up. Once in a while I will slip up and start rambling about a new movie and through the phone lines between San Diego and a bunker on the Chicago/Wisconsin border, I can hear Charles looking at his watch.

Charles and I constantly fight. Who else is going to talk to us? He supports Operation Free Iraq and I swear by passive resistance. He’s a tekkie and I’m all about aesthetics. Charles made his fortune selling Brady Bunch lunchboxes and John Wayne Gacy t-shirts. When O. J. Simpson commited double-murder, Charlie was the first man in Chicago to cash in on the tragedy and I was there to help!

When I stumbled across this ad in an old copy of Premiere Magazine, I had to laugh. If the motion picture industry relied on guys like Charlie to keep box office cash registers ringing we’d all be in the dark watching television.

I asked Charlie if there wasn’t one movie that he actually considered seeing in a theater over the past twenty years. There was one: ***Timpanl*** Ben Stein’s Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. At first I thought he said Benie Stein, former owner of the Golf Mill Theatre where we saw our one and only picture together.

It wasn’t the Golf Mill goniff, but a right wing documentary about Bush’s pet version of Scientoloty written by an “actor” who was discovered by John Hughes. I’m sure the visuals were as compelling as Stein’s patronizing, monotone delivery.

Unfortunately the film bypassed San Diego on its way to airplanes for I would surely love to explore the only movie that Charles almost saw.

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Image Vault additions for week ending February 16, 2008

February 16th, 2008 by Scott Marks

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NBC Peacock Logo

I went in and alphabetized the photos in the Smoking Celebrities album. Here are this week’s additions: Summer Altice, Brigitte Bardot x 2, Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale, Monica Bellucci, Penelope Cruz x 2, Mylene Farmer, Romola Garai, Melissa George x 3, Eva Green, Eva Habermann, Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie, Milla Jovovich x 2, Kerry Katona, Diane Kruger x 3, Eva Longoria, Sophie Marceau, Demi Moore, Kate Moss, Sienna Miller x 3, Brittany Murphy, Hayden Panetierre x 2, Michelle Pfieffer, Christina Ricci x 3, Shannyn Sossamon, Shu-Qi, Sharon Stone, Audrey Tautou, Charlize Theron x 5, Uma Thurman x 3, Michelle Trachtenberg

Jerry Lewis’ The Family Jewels – 13 Images
2 color shots of Jack Nicholson as “The Joker” in Batman and 2 from The Pledge
Blade Runner – 13 Images
Drew Barrymore in Poison Ivy (3) and Batman Forever (1)
3 color portraits of Sharon Stone in Casino
 Adolf Hitler Wanted Poster
Liv Tyler – 2 Images
On the Town – 10 Images
Anchors Aweigh – 5 Images
Johnny Depp – 34 Images
Alfred Hitchcock – 3 Images
Mommie Dearest - 17 Images
On the Waterfront – 3 Images
George Peppard in Home From the Hill, Breakfast at Tiffany’s (4), The Carpetbaggers (2), and The A-Team - 8 Images
The Pink Panther (1964) - 2 Images
Cinderfella - 4 Images
Cinderfella Record Album - 19 Images
T.V. Cartoon Blow Ups: Header card featuring all your favorite Hanna-Barbera characters plus the Huckleberry Hound Blow Up
Beau James - Soundtrack LP featuring Bob Hope
Postcards of Movie Stars Homes — Cary Grant, Jerry Lewis, Jack Benny and Groucho Marx

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Image Vault additions for week ending February 8, 2008

February 9th, 2008 by Scott Marks

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Vintage ad for Sleazy Rider

On top of the latest Image Vault additions listed on the home page, I am downloading dozens of new stills to preexisting albums. In order to keep you informed, a weekly of all the latest updates will run every Saturday.

Alfred Hitchcock - 50 new images
Bob Hope ads — 45 images
Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis in Hal Walker’s At War With the Army – 8 images
Celebrity Endorsements: Arlene Francis & Jack Paar for DOUBLEDAY DOLLAR BOOK CLUB
The Original Program Book for Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane - 19 images
2 New Contemporary Movie Posters: Waist Deep and Stangers With Candy
John Ford directing Seven Women plus 1 stunning Mongol compilation
The SCTV gang in Going Berserk — 8 images
In Bruges – 24 images
The Loved One - 18 images (including 2 of Mrs. Joyboy!)
Jayne Mansfield ad for Blondex!
Walter Matthau and Robert Morse in A Guide for the Married Man
Vincente Minnelli directs Liz & Dick in The Sandpiper — 4 images
Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window — 2 new images
Sexy Smokers: Alessandra Ambrosio, Avril Lavigne, Mischa Barton, Sofia Coppola and Ali Larter
Teeth - 13 images
Jerry Lewis’ Which Way to the Front? — 16 images

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