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Dig A Hole: Ed McMahon

June 23rd, 2009 by Scott Marks

The consummate dog food salesman, Publisher’s Clearinghouse shill, Clydesdale lover, “Tonight Show” yuckster, discoverer of more stars than Galileo, bloopers meister and co-host of the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon - has sounded his last “Hey-Ooooooooooooooo!”

Edward Leo Peter “Ed” McMahon, Jr., the greatest Irishman since Martin Maher, died peacefully this morning after a long bout with pneumonia and other medical problems. He was 86.

Ed was a big, rather slovenly lug with a window-rattling cackle and a weakness for whiskey. Ed was the suburban Everyman who actually seemed to use the products he advertised, especially the beer.

The genial second banana was content to live his life in the shadows of others. Was there an art to what Ed McMahon did? Sure. He knew when to suck up and when to shut up.

One could always detect a nervous, downright excitable tension pulsating through Ed on “The Tonight Show.” He appeared so honored to have his rump parked at the end of Johnny’s panel that he frequently leaned forward with one cheek perched on the sofa cushion. At any given moment he was prone to projectile hee-haws. Was there a joke Johnny told that Ed didn’t find funny? If you wanted someone to make you look good without getting in the way, Ed was the best.

His work on “TV’s Practical Jokes and Bloopers,” opposite his old “Bandstand” pal Dick Clark was unmatched. No one whispered “Watch the upper right hand corner” more assuredly than EM.

One trait Ed borrowed from the Great Carsoni was his ability to go through women. He was married three times and known to deploy the aphrodisiac powers of his sidekick status to lure babes into the sack. Wasn’t there a scandal in the early 90s where Ed was caught propositioning “Star Search” models in a hotel room? You can’t be turned down!

Ed was a constant in my life almost from birth. As I write this I begin to realize just how much I am going to miss him. Not as “The Tonight Show’s” constant laugh track or his brilliant star turn in “Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off,” but as Jerry Lewis’ Telethon mate. Much has been written about Ed’s partnership with Johnny, but let’s face facts. Carson was a mean drunk, a cold and uncaring loner who wouldn’t  give his on-screen accomplice the time of day after he quit the show.

Jerry and Ed were another story. For 42 years Ed was a Labor Day fixture. He stood opposite Jerry introducing donors and accepting checks. When the numbers on the tote board failed to turn or the band blew a cue, it was up to Ed to tickle Jerry’s belly and keep the show on track. How terrible Jerry must feel knowing that he lost a true crusader and his lifelong friend.

Ed had been on the decline for quite some time. The once vibrant myrmidon of mirth began to literally erode before television viewer’s eyes. His rosy, sweat-polished cheeks and jet black brilliantined hair gradually turned ashen while his comfortable paunch shrank and puckered. Once the size of a Redwood, the frail, bent over giant now had to be helped on and off the stage.

2008 was a terrible year for Ed McMahon. It was announced in March that Ed broke his neck after a fall. A few months later he was struggling to avoid foreclosure on his Beverly Hills home. He was also sued by Citibank and in an unrelated matter, his daughter’s divorce attorney for the combined sum of almost $900,000. Donald Trump came to the rescue and bought Ed’s home and allowed the family to live there rent free.

Ed McMahon is survived by his wife, Pamela, and five children. A sixth child, McMahon’s son Michael, died in 1995.

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Filed Under Obituaries

Johnny Carson’s former lawyer writes poison pen tell-all book

November 3rd, 2008 by Scott Marks

He-e-e-e-e-e-re’s the book about Johnny Carson we’ve all been waiting for…

Hnery ‘Bombastic’ Bushkin, The Tonight Show host’s longtime lawyer, agent and manager gave Johnny’s body three years to cool before spilling his guts in an upcoming down-and-dirty memoir. Bushkin is shopping a book that paints the beloved funnyman as a sad guy and serial cheater who was tormented by his mother and refused to visit Ricky during his son’s 4 1/2 month stint in Bellevue.

No wonder he got along so well with Bob Hope. HEEEEEEEEY OOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Here are a few excerpts from Bushkin’s upcoming tome:

“He was a great star, but not a great man. Many great comedians were miserable human beings… Johnny suffered a great many demons brought about by what I call a toxic sort of mother. His mother couldn’t give a compliment. He’s the biggest star in the world and she couldn’t even acknowledge it.”

Nice guy Carson refused to visit his son, Rick, when he was thrown in the clink at Bellevue with severe emotional problems. “The kid was there for 4½ months and he never went. I had to take care of everything and was there almost every day. Rick [who died in a car crash in 1991] was a lovely human being.”

He “took advantage of every inch of a 10,000-square-foot penthouse with a private pool at Caesars Palace when he played Vegas and routinely entertained the “18 beautiful girls in the chorus line that opened his act . . . and he was certainly involved with some of them.” Ya-Ha!

The most successful man in late night television history was so insecure that he constantly “questioned his own ability to have happiness in his life.”

Johnny dumped many of his closest friends, including Bushkin, who says, “At one time we did everything together. At the end, he treated me like everybody else - like I didn’t exist. At the end, it was like I was an irritant. In many respects, he was the saddest guy I ever knew.”

This is not the first warts-and-all bio of Carson. Howard Stern keeps talking about a book that his first wife, Jodi, penned that alleges spousal abuse. I’ve yet to track down a copy.

Johnny’s delivers his greatest performance in this tribute to his late son Rick:

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Filed Under Gossip

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