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Frankenstoner Stevie Hayes checks in

June 19th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Last weekend Emulsion Compulsion received a trilogy of e-mails from our old friend Stevie Hayes. For those of you with attention deficit disorder, Stevie was a member of former Howard Stern wack-packer Kenneth Keith Kallenbach’s band. After reading my obituary of KKK, Stevie contacted me about giving him a ride to the funeral.

Sadly, we had to mourn apart.

Stevie looked up to KKK as an uncle and remembers him as someone who:

“LOVED TO LAUGH, LOVED TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH, LOVED STAND UP COMEDY, LOVED PHONEY PHONE CALLS, HOWARD STERNS, THE WHACK PACK, LOVED LIFE, LOVED BEER, LOVED WOMEN, LOVED ROCK & ROLL, LOVED PRODUCING MOVIES, SKETCH COMEDY WRITING, LOVED PRODUCING VIDEOS, DVDS, LOVED RECORDING MUSIC, (BASS, DRUMS, GUITAR, VOCALS), A MAN THAT WAS AN ORIGINAL, WAS REALLY WHAT HE SAID HE WAS, “’AN AMERICAN ICON.’”

Stevie is deservedly p/o’d over the way KKK was treated while in Deleware County prison. Due to their gross negligence Stevie wants to sue the bastards to the tune of $1 Billion “for being incompetent, lacking common sense, and pulling some GITMO s–t.”

The devoted friend vows to keep the KKK tradition alive in his music. By his own admission, Stevie, who performs under the name Frankenstoner, “is a genius and does it all!” He’s the lead singer, guitarist, bassist, & guitarist for the band Satan’s Scrotum. (What I wouldn’t give to hear Casey Kasem talk up a record by Satan’s Scrotum!) As if that weren’t enough, Stevie is also CEO of Frankenstoner Enterprises, fashion designer, artist, stand up “truth talkin’” comedian, & one of the architects behind the brand new art form entitled Gutter-Core!

Gutter-Core! was invented in 1997 by the Stevie Hayes Records (SHR=) Dictatorship. According to Stevie, “To create pure Gutter-Core! you must suffer hardcore in life, and you have to know 9-12 top secret steps that only Stevie Hayes Records (SHR=) knows. Gutter Core! is the future mainstream, and will dominate the entire globe!”

Most recently Frankenstoner has been performing with a band called Re-Mixed By The Devil, and I want to tell you, if the alluring Aryan in the photo is any indication, this is type of degenerate art even Hitler would have embraced. Together they have teamed up to produce this wild music video, that mixes equal parts of Marilyn and Charles Manson, called GIVE IT TO ME BABABABY!

Good luck, Stevie and do keep in touch. Any friend of Kenneth Keith who spends the majority of his life wearing a Frankenstein mask, is okay by me! One favor. Next time, try to compact it all into one email. I haven’t read that much since my sophomore English class.

Links:
Satan’s Scrotum: Kings of Gutter

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Filed Under News, Rants

Kenneth Keith Kallenbach: Can you give a brother a lift to his funeral?

April 29th, 2008 by Scott Marks

the-kenneth-keith-kallenbach-band.jpg
KKK and Frankenstoner, Stevie Hayes

Emulsion Compulsion received an email from Stevie Hayes, guitarist for the Kenneth Keith Kallenbach Band. Stevie is very distraught over the loss of his friend and very much wants to expose what he sees as the “great mystery surrounding his death.”

In a lengthy statement issued on MySpace, Stevie, who claims to have E.S.P., in addition to “insanely strange dreams and nightmares,” reveals that he foresaw the performance artists’ death.

Stevie looked up to KKK as an uncle and remembers him as someone who:

“LOVED TO LAUGH, LOVED TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH, LOVED STAND UP COMEDY, LOVED PHONEY PHONE CALLS, HOWARD STERNS, THE WHACK PACK, LOVED LIFE, LOVED BEER, LOVED WOMEN, LOVED ROCK & ROLL, LOVED PRODUCING MOVIES, SKETCH COMEDY WRITING, LOVED PRODUCING VIDEOS, DVDS, LOVED RECORDING MUSIC, (BASS, DRUMS, GUITAR, VOCALS), A MAN THAT WAS AN ORIGINAL, WAS REALLY WHAT HE SAID HE WAS, “‘AN AMERICAN ICON.’”

satans-scrotum.jpg

Stevie, whose motto is “George Lincoln Rockwell Likes Victoria’s Secret,” is now the lead singer and guitarist for the band Satan’s Scrotum. I was hoping that one of my readers could help a friend out with a lift to Kenneth Keith Kalenbach’s funeral.

In a letter to Emulsion Compulsion, Stevie writes:

“Hi, how are you doing? Since time is running out, I’ll keep this email very short. I’ve been having family problems lately and you can read my statement here on KKK. I’ll write much more in the future in another email to you in the future. the entire story. But the last few years, I have been becoming great friends with Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, he was one of the GREATEST humans I’ve ever met on this earth! His death has ripped me up deeply!

the bottom line of this particular email, is I’m from Chicago also, and I’m out of options for transportation at this point, to get to KKK’s funeral in PA on tuesday morning by 10 am. I would like to go, so you’re my last potential possible hope. If you happen to be driving out there, and need some gas money, etc. we could make a party out of it, let me know. I know other people on the east coast, and I could arrange to meet some of KKK’s close personal friends I’ve been talking to recently also

If this wasn’t in the cards, then it’s not meant to be, and I understand if you simply can’t make it, like I basically can’t either, or if you already have other arrangements, or plane tickets etc. but I came across your story on your site right now, and I decided to shoot you over a quick email. I’ve never heard of you in my life until right now, but anyone that liked Kenneth as much as me is a friend of mine. If you’re driving there, and have room for 1 more, hit me up, and i’ll chip in the money for gas or whatever needs to be done. “

Sadly, I no longer live in Chicago, Stevie (San Diego claims me) and as of this morning had no plans of attending the funeral. As much as I relish the thought of traveling cross- country with Frankenstoner, it’s not in the cards. Besides, I’m no fun on road trips. I listen to Mindy McCready, Mariah Carey and Clay Aiken. And thanks for the offer to chip in to pay for gas.

BTW, will Kenneth be buried in a Jewish cemetery?

Stevie left me his phone number, so if any of you want to carpool to the funeral, contact me at emulsioncompulsion@gmail.com and I’ll hook you up.

Good luck, Stevie. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Links:
Kenneth Keith Kallenbach

Kenneth Keith Kallenbach photos

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