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Notes on Speedy Gonzales & Slowpoke Rodriguez, his half-baked cartoon cousin

July 27th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Last night a Mexican friend came over to watch some cartoons and, being the patronizing gringo that I am, the evening began with a handful of Speedy Gonzales shorts.

Of all the superstars in the Warner Bros. cartoon canon, Speedy Gonzales is probably the most nonessential. Within thirty-six hours of purchasing each of the five Looney Tunes Golden Collections, I had watched every cartoon and most of the supplementary features, including the audio commentaries. Until last night, the Speedy Gonzales disc remained the only virgin in the set.

With the possible exception of Being There, a feature length comedy cannot, nor should not be a one note proposition. (See Arthur. The title character is a drunk. Get it?) Live actors squandering five reels in search of variations to play on a one trick premise seldom works, yet with a little ink and paper and only seven minutes to fill, one joke can work miracles. Everywhere that the Wolf went Droopy was sure to go. No matter how hard he tries, Wile E. Coyote will never dine on Road Runner. Every move Daffy makes leads to a buckshot facial from Elmer’s rifle. In each instance, the comic resourcefulness and precision character response jumps out from the screen.

A grinning Speedy Gonzales yells, “Andale! Andale! Epa, Epa! Arriba! Arriba!” as he zips past El Pussygato, arms burdened with cheese for his impoverished amigos who react to his beneficence by jumping up and down.

Suddenly Little Audrey looks good.

Speedy wasn’t always a cuddlesome, Mexican hat-dancing mouse. In Robert McKimson’s Cat-Tails for Two, the pesos needed in order for Speedy to secure what would eventually become his trademark sombrero were spent on an unappealing gold front tooth. According to Robert McKimson, Jr., the fastest mouse in Mexico (and friend of everybody’s sister) was based on a pair of Mexican brothers his father played polo with. The grimy rodent, pitted opposite a much more appealing pair of John Steinbeck retreads, discharged little audience appeal short of Mel Blanc’s well-seasoned vocalization that he had spent years perfecting on The Jack Benny Program.

The studio had faith in the character so Friz Freleng and his designer Hawley Pratt set about retooling the rodent. Their final solution was a featherless cross between Tweety Pie and the Road Runner. As a Coyote substitute to play opposite Gonzales, Freleng recruited the services of his venerable foil, and Tweety’s arch nemesis, Sylvester the Cat aka Sylvero Gato. Speedy would frequently sneak up behind Sylvester and substitute a couple of “Arriba! Andale’s!” for “Meep Meep’s’” that sent the cat soaring to the stratosphere. Cannibalizing his own creation, Freleng modified Tweety’s “I like him, he’s silly” catchphrase to fit the mouse.

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Rapper DMX arrested: Cops dig up drugs and dead dogs

May 10th, 2008 by Scott Marks

I love my reefers, but where’s my pit bulls?
I love my reefers, but where’s my pit bulls?
I love my reefers, but where’s my pit bulls?
I love my reefers, but where’s my pit bulls?

DMX, the no-nonsense rap singer, who strings together “f**ks” better than a squad of hoes in Little TJ, was arrested on drug and animal-cruelty charges following an overnight raid on the his Arizona house Friday, authorities said.

According to Breitbart, the 37-year-old tough guy (aka: Earl Simmons) initially tried to barricade himself in his bedroom but emerged when a SWAT team entered his north Phoenix home during the 3 a.m. raid, sheriff’s spokesman Capt. Paul Chagolla said.

The indictment stems from an August search of the rapper’s home prompted by reports of dogs being abused on his property. Detectives seized 12 pit bull dogs, dug up remains of three others and found marijuana on the rural property.

On September 24, 2007, EI reported that, “Postmortem exams performed on three canine carcasses found buried in the backyard of the rapper’s Phoenix-area home revealed that two of the animals suffered grievous injuries before they died.” No charges were filed because investigators were unable to come up with sufficient evidence to suggest that DMX had a hand in their violent deaths.

It’s not all good.

During Friday’s raid, officials said more drugs were found and weapons seized and additional charges were possible. He made an initial court appearance yesterday where bail was sent at $7,500, said his local attorney, Cameron Morgan. Morgan said he expected bail to be posted quickly.

It’s been a rough week for the rapper. On Tuesday he was clocked doing 114 on a suburban Arizona freeway. No dogs were found in the glove compartment.

Admittedly, I do own a couple of DMX CDs after being treated to a thorough examination of the lyrics to It’s All Good on The Howard Stern Show. Any man that’s “done it all from mackin’ two hoes on a three-way, Dominican hoes on b-day (and) country hoes in VA” demands my attention. On the other hand, anyone that breeds animals to kill is instantly denied it.

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