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DON’T VOTE!

October 2nd, 2008 by Scott Marks

Even though this features Halle Berry and Ashton Kutcher I ask you to watch. NSFW!

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Rabbi pressures Hasidic Jew to bow out of movie role as Natalie Portman’s husband

March 17th, 2008 by Scott Marks

NEW YORK — A Brooklyn kitchen cabinet salesman said he backed out of a movie part as Natalie Portman’s husband because of pressure from the Hasidic Jewish community.

UPI reports Abe Karpen and Portman were cast as a married couple in New York I Love You, an anthology film from the folks that brought you Paris, Je T’aime.

“I have my kids in religious schools and the rabbi called me over yesterday and said in order for me to keep my kids in the school I have to do what they tell me and back out,” Karpen said.

Where in the scriptures does it read, “Thou shalt not picketh up some money on the side”? Appearing in a movie is bound to be a decent pay day. How many cabinets would Karpen have to sell in order to compensate for his profit loss? Maybe it’s about time Rabbi Sin Hound remodeled his kitchen.

Abie, do yourself a favor and drop this rabbi faster than Obama dumped Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Organized religion is nothing more than a bunch of bubba meisas written by old white guys to scare people into adhering to an outrageous hocus-pocus-dominocus code of living. Here’s you chance to be a star!

Admittedly, Karpen was having problems separating church and set. He followed the tenets of the Hasidic movement during the filming, refusing, for example, to hold Portman’s hand.

Jan Korbelin, the movie’s executive producer, called Karpen “a great ambassador for his faith.”

“We are very sorry that this has created a problem for him personally and for the community,” Korbelin added.

Normally, I refuse to write a post unless I can track down an accompanying photo or video. Camera-shy Abe was nowhere to be found on the web. The only Jewish cabinet maker that I was able to find of a picture of was Jesus. Filling in for Abe Karpen is SCTV’s Crazy Hy.

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