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George Bush to appear on TV game show

April 20th, 2008 by Scott Marks

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E Pluribus Upidstay

With the country falling further into recession, gas prices higher than ever and war raging in Iraq, the leader of the free world has nothing better to do than appear on a TV game show tomorrow night.

While he’s not smarter than a fifth grader, Dubya will make a pre-taped guest spot on what could be the most simple-minded game show ever, Deal or No Deal. Bush, who is unable to count to 26, will not appear as a contestant.

As reported in The Huffington Post, the episode features Captain Joseph Kobes who hopes to pick the right suitcase in order to pay off his parents’ mortgage. Kobe, a Purple Heart and Bronze Star recipient, is surprised by Bush who thanks him for serving in his pet war before wishing him luck in the game.

Just think, when they reinstate the draft, Georgie will have his own game show, Who Wants To Be A Casualty?

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Filed Under News

Vote for a Stooge on Super Tuesday!

February 5th, 2008 by Scott Marks

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Listen you knuckleheads, since there’s been a lamebrain in office for the past 8 years why not keep the momentum going by replacing Bush with a real Stooge? Forget about impeachment as a form of punishment. If Larry acts out of turn by sending thousands more American soldiers to be slaughtered, just slap him a few times, poke him in the eyes and pull out a swatch of hair.

Even though Laura, Hillary and Condi pose a triple threat, they have nothing on Stooge women like Aggie, Maggie and Baggie that would frequent the White House. Larry has a thick pubic mound atop his head (unlike Obama) and gosh only knows how much better the Stooge in the middle would look in a pants suit than Hillary. And when was the last time either Barack or Hillary serenaded you with a violin solo? Send Larry to Iraq, have him play a few bars of Pop Goes the Easel for our boys and watch the bodies pile up.

I’m warning you, our country is in trouble and we need a Stooge to guide us. I don’t know about you, but I am voting the straight Stooge ticket, which I guess leaves Joe “Not So Hard” Besser out.

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Filed Under Rants

Secret Disease Will Prevent Hillary Clinton From Becoming President

September 17th, 2007 by Scott Marks

From THE GOLBE’S lips to God’s ear:

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For years there have been persistent rumors about a mysterious diesease that will keep Hillary Clinton from making a run for The White House.

According to the tabloid report, Ms. Clinton’s overactive thyroid was a threat to her health and career. An unnamed source noted, “She has a puffy face, bags under her eyes and a vacant look.”

This report was issued right after the Monica Lewinski scandal broke. Sounds more like a reaction to her overactive husband’s gland rather than an underactive thyroid.

Off to Temple B’Nai Moolah to doven mincha for Uncle Miltie.

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Filed Under Rants