Dig A (Big) Hole: Chicago Eddie Schwartz
February 5th, 2009 by Scott Marks
Oh, boy. Another Chicago icon and constant source of unintentional hilarity has died. I will admit up front that this is going to be impossible to write without showing a bit of disrespect for the dead, but I make no apologies. Eddie may have been a good guy, but when it came to putting on a radio show he was as lame as they came. Maybe lame is too harsh a word. How about terminally un-hip? Does that read better? I’m trying not to slam the guy, I mean he was sick and all for what seemed forever, and in all honesty I did listen to Eddie a lot…just for the wrong reasons. Alright. Let’s just get this sad task over with, kiddo.
Eddie was born on Chicago’s southeast side and was a graduate of Bowen High School. He studied radio at Columbia College and began his broadcast career as a gofer at radio stations WLS and WIND. In 1973, Eddie became the overnight host at WIND and eventually moved over to the much more popular WGN in 1982. For two decades, Eddie was the undisputed king of the graveyard shift. In 1992, Eddie sold out and decided to consort with the enemy by joining rival WLUP-FM, home of outspoken and mean-spirited jocks Steve Dahl, Garry Meier and Kevin Matthews who picked on the poor little fat kid to no end. Matthews’ uncanny imitation of Eddie’s choking delivery made for incredibly funny radio. Eeeeahh.
I spent many hours listening to Eddie hold court with firefighters, local politicians, entertainers, Miss Illinois (Eddie made it sound as though they were an item), and most of all a bunch of chain-smoking Tinley Park hags. His unreasonably upbeat, saccharine broadcasts were as close as I have ever come to experiencing diabetic shock. Eddie was the broadcast equivalent of a print piece detailing a fireman rescuing a cat from a tree. He loved it when the city was socked in by snow. He would take to the microphone and call air traffic controllers, cops, City Hall and Streets & San, anyone whose job he could interrupt when they were needed most. It was Eddie’s equivalent of phone sex.
A favorite Eddie ritual was reading off what you should have in you car in case of emergency. I can hear his marble-mouthed delivery now: “You have got to have a jack and flares and in the winter you will need a blanket.” I kid you not, he would instruct his listeners to pack a couple of candy bars in case they were stranded somewhere without food. Yes! Eeeeaaayyrgh!
Kevin Matthews as “Eddie.”
Let’s state the obvious: Eddie was a great man, a giant of a man. At his leading man’s weight Eddie must have tipped the scales at over 600 pounds. When you are that enormous, the last thing you’d want to do is draw attention to your favorite pastime, but that never stopped Eddie from taking to the airwaves and slobbering on about his favorite local eateries. Don’t think for one second that I didn’t run to the Ho-Kow cafe on Lake St. to sample what Eddie called “the best egg rolls in Chicago.” All one had to do is take one look at him to see that if this man knew about anything, it was food. He also presided over an annual food drive for needy families, bub. Steve Dahl used to joke that on the night of his Good Neighbor Food Drive, Eddie would go through a dozen electric can openers. (I picture Matthews as Eddie yelling, “Steven Robert Dahl, you are a vicious, psycho ass!“)
I actually went with friends to one of the annual food drives. It was a cold December night and we stood waiting with the engine running and a trunk filled with canned tamales that we picked up on sale at the Aldi’s. By the time we got the car around to the booth, Eddie was nowhere in sight. When asked where he was, Jan Coleman laughed and said, “You just missed him. He went to the bathroom.” Eeeeahh! I bet he took a couple of can openers with him.
Continue reading Dig A (Big) Hole: Chicago Eddie Schwartz
Tags: bub, chicago ed, chicago eddie schwartz, ed schwartz, eddie schwartz, eddie schwartz dead, eddie schwartz dies, eddie schwartz obituary, eddy schwartz, fat, Garry Meier, kevin matthews, kiddo, Obituary, overnights, Radio, Steve Dahl, WGN, wind radio, wlupFiled Under Obituaries
KPBS Film Club airs tomorrow - Time to bash spielberg!
May 20th, 2008 by Scott Marks
Just a reminder that the KPBS Film Club of the Air rages on tomorrow with reviews of four new films. Join Beth Accomando, Tom Fudge and the King Of All spielberg Haters when we discuss Thomas McCarthy’s The Visitor, Claude Lelouch’s Roman De Gare, Santosh Sivan’s Before the Rains and little stevie’s You’ll Need Crystal Meth to Sit Through Indiana Jones’ Skull.
The Film Club airs at 10 am (Pacific) and if you live outside the San Diego area, I’ll post the podcast here.
Tags: BEFORE THE RAINS, Beth Accomando, Film Club, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, KBPS, Radio, ROMAN DE GARE, THE VISITOR, Tom FudgeFiled Under KPBS Radio Shows, News
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