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Dig A Hole: Jesse Helms is finally dead!

July 4th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Another piece of s–t has forever been scraped from off the shoe sole of life. “Morally sick” homosexuals and “Negroes” will rest better tonight knowing that on this, America’s Independence Day, they are forever free of the hate-spewing North Carolina Republican. Former U.S. Senator Jesse Helms is at last where he belongs. He died Friday at the age of 86.

While the cause of death has not been announced, it’s safe to say that it wasn’t AIDS.

Helms’ first full-time job after college was as a sports reporter with The News & Observer of Raleigh, North Carolina. In 1942 he married Dorothy Coble, who was the newspaper’s society reporter. During the war Helms served stateside as a naval recruiter. He eventually became the city news editor of the Raleigh Times, and later moved to radio and television.

Helms began his career in politics as an unofficial researcher for Willis Smith, a conservative Democratic lawyer, former president of the American Bar Association and staunch supporter of racial segregation, who successfully ran for the U.S. Senate in 1950.

Before launching a media career, Helms was executive director of the North Carolina Bankers Association. In 1960 he became the executive vice-president, vice chairman of the board, and assistant chief executive officer of the Raleigh-based Capitol Broadcasting Company. The folksy editorials, which he delivered at the end of each night’s local news broadcast, made Helms a local phenomenon.

In 1972, after announcing his candidacy for a seat in the United States Senate, Helms went on to win the Republican primary with 60.1 percent of the vote.

When Helms retired in 2003 after serving five terms, President Bush said, “Sen. Helms has been a tireless defender of our nation’s freedom and a champion of democracy abroad.” He mourned the Senate for “losing an institution.” Let’s let the record speak for itself regarding exactly what type of institutionalized modes of living Sen. Helms represented:

  • In 1950, the distinguished Senator helped create a campaign ad that read, “White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? (Democratic candidate) Frank Graham favors mingling of the races.” So this is where KKK big muckety-muck Daniel Carver got his inspiration to “Wake up, white people!”
  • Helms blamed blacks, gays and lesbians for “the proliferation of AIDS.” He took acceptance to the use of the word “gay” to describe homosexuals since, “…there’s nothing gay about them.”
  • Helms dubbed The University of North Carolina, “the University of Negroes and Communists.”
  • Black civil rights activists were “Communists and sex perverts.”
  • During the 1963 Civil Rights protests Helms wrote, “The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that’s thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men’s rights.”
  • In 1983, Helms launched a Senate filibuster opposing the Martin Luther King Day bill on grounds that King had two commie associates. He also disapproved of King’s alleged philandering.
  • In 1988, he observed, “There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy.”
  • According to the Chicago Sun-Times, in 1993 Helms sang Dixie in an elevator to Carol Moseley-Braun, the first African-American woman elected to the Senate, bragging, “I’m going to make her cry. I’m going to sing Dixie until she cries.”
  • When Roberta Achtenberg was appointed Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development in 1993, Helms refused to vote for her “because she’s a damn lesbian.”
  • In a 1994 Newsweek article Helms declared homosexuality “degenerate,” and homosexuals “weak, morally sick wretches.”
  • In his memoirs, Hendrik Hertzberg of The New Yorker noted that Helms had “the ‘humorous habit’” of calling all black people “Fred”.

And still, in spite of all the damning evidence against him, the Associated Press‘ list of Helms’ quotes on life and politics mentioned only one derisive comment. Sen. Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, the Senate’s Republican leader said, “Today we lost a senator whose stature in Congress had few equals. Sen. Jesse Helms was a leading voice and courageous champion for the many causes he believed in.” White House spokesman Scott Stanzel said, “America lost a great public servant and true patriot today.”

I take back what I said earlier. Wake up, non-white people. The enemy is still at our gate.

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Filed Under Obituaries

Barbara Walters confesses affair with senator to Mother Superior Oprah

May 1st, 2008 by Scott Marks

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It was a meeting of daytime TV’s two biggest yentas, Barbara Walters and Oprah Winfrey. Walters brought her view to Harpo Studios and, not to be upstaged on Winfrey’s turf, Babs let loose a powerhouse piece of personal gossip: She revealed a past affair with married U.S. Senator Edward Brooke, whom she remembers as “exciting” and “bwilliant.”

In a further attempt to sell copies of her new memoir Audition, Walters also blubbered on about guilt pains she harbored over her mentally retarded sister.

Appearing on The Oprah Winfrey Show scheduled to air Tuesday, Walters shares details of her relationship with Brooke that lasted several years in the 1970s, according to a transcript of the show provided to The Associated Press.

A moderate Republican from Massachusetts who took office in 1967, Brooke was the first African-American to be popularly elected to the Senate.

He was African-American and a Republican? How does that happen? Okay, now I understand why she offered the gossip to O instead of sharing the exclusive with her hobgoblins on The View.

At the time, Walters had already gone through two husbands and was still co-hosting NBC’s Today show. Walters admits that public knowledge of their affair could have ruined his career as well as hers.

Walters also talks openly (and tearfully) about her oyngaboodle sibling Jackie. Walters confesses that, as a child, she sometimes felt embarrassed by her older, mentally retarded sister. Now she knows how Star Jones felt.

“(Jackie) stuttered terribly. People made fun of her. People made fun of me,” Walters says. “I didn’t bring friends home. I felt terribly guilty because she was very loving and I didn’t always feel that way.”

Jackie Walters died in 1985 of ovarian cancer.When the AP uses the term “chokes up,” I take notice. Let’s hope that Babs will make an upcoming cameo in my crybaby reel.

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Filed Under News