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ARE WE DONE YET? / Steve Carr (2007)

April 3rd, 2007 by Scott Marks

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Are We Done Yet? (2007)

Directed by: Steve Carr

Written by: Hank Nelken, Hank Nelken

Cast: Ice Cube, Nia Long, John C. McGinley, Aleisha Allen, Philip Bolden, Jonathan Katz, Linda Kash, Alexander Kalugin, Dan Joffre, Pedro Miguel Arce, Tahj Mowry, Jacob Vargas, Brenda Prieur, Hayes MacArthur, Colin Strange

Aspect Ratio: 1.85 : 1

Genres: Comedy, Family

Halfway through the film I began silently screaming the title in my head.

The promotional screening began as they invariably do with a radio station personality hurling knotted t-shirts way back into the stadium seats while overmodulating through a portable speaker. Call it a sadistic form of comeuppance, but there is nothing quite as delightfully uncomfortable as watching the jock have to tear down his own equipment while 400 people watch and wait for the real show to start.

This screening was different. In addition to t-shirts and cup holders, our host also threw up some scripture. The AM 1240 Jesus jock was kind enough to offer a pre-show benediction. He asked our dear lord Mr. Jesus to bless the audience.How reassuring that the Church endorses a film that features its protagonist throwing back boilermakers and attempting to bludgeon a man with a 2×4. All it needed was a dash of pederasty to make it complete.

If there is a God, I’m sure that She has a lot more on Her mind than a bunch of freeloaders assembled to see a new Ice Cube family comedy. And that goes double for rappers and actors who gratuitously acknowledge Jehovah while picking up a trophy.

There are plenty of laughs, all of them unintentional. Ice Cube assumes the Cary Grant role in this official remake of Mr. Blandings Builds his Dream House. At least the filmmakers had the decency to rip off one of Cary’s lesser films. What’s next? Fatha’ Goose?

This is more of a bland Money Pit, with an emphasis on “pit.” The gang from the equally noxious Are We There Yet? reunites, this time as a family, for an eagerly unanticipated sequel. As Mrs. Ice, Nia Long adds just the right amount of imbecility to pull it off. No matter what Ice does, she’s sure to side with the competition. Hers is one of the dumbest depictions of a woman in recent memory.

And what about some well-timed comic inspiration? As a real estate agent, architect, city engineer, baby whisperer, former member of the Lakers and faith healer the normally talented John C. McGinley dons numerous caps, each one filled with shit and pathos. A heartfelt scene where Cube pays a condolence call two years after McGinley’s wife’s death brought loud chuckles from my corner of the theater.

Cube plays a spots fan whose upcoming web site appears so lucrative that he’s moving into a $2 million home. His familial goal is to lock his stepdaughter away from boys and toughen up his stepson. Look for the father and son bonding scene down at the river. It’s worthy of Ford. Tennessee Ernie, not John.

Many of the gags involve food and/or physical pain. The neighborhood welcome wagons fill the family’s freezer with sturgeon. Even more offensive, when Mrs. Cube announces that she’s pregnant, Ice asks “by who?” WWJS?

Perhaps the biggest laugh came from a telegraphed Magic Johnson cameo. Host of what could be the worst talk show in TV history, the Magic Man’s delivery has only improved with age. With feet propped on desk and billboard sized cue cards, he literally phones in his performance. Not since Mr. Sinatra’s one day work on Cannonball Run II has a superstar contributed so little to something so small.

It’s worth sneaking in for the first few minutes to see the rejuvenated R.K.O. logo and the imitation DePatie-Freleng credit sequence. After that, all bets are off. If anything, Jesus’ messenger should have prayed that Ice Cube go back to making more R rated action films. Can I get an “Amen?”
Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆

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Filed Under Reviews, Theatrical