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Final Thoughts on the 2008 Jerry Lewis Telethon

September 1st, 2008 by Scott Marks

Years ago I tried watching the Telethon on line, but the pixel-intteruptus effect of streaming video was maddening. With their act perfected, it was 100% smooth sailing. This was the first time in decades where I was able to watch the Telethon from beginning to end uninterrupted by newscasts and sporting events.  From now on, it’s a RealPlayer kind of Telethon for me. It was a marvelously liberating feeling.

Biggest complaint: Not enough Jerry, but at 82 I guess we should be thankful for the 8 hours we get.

Second biggest complaint: The information/entertainment dichotomy is out of balance. While the recorded pitches are sharper and more direct than ever, how about some name acts, Jerry? When Celine Dion, Billy Gilman and Frank, Jr. are the biggest draws, we’ve got a show that slinks. If they relocate to Australia we’re doomed. 20 hours of Paul Hogan and kangaroo jokes.

Before knowing how frail Ed McMahon would appear, I expected a lot of cracks about his current financial situation. Goofing on the doddering old guy in his current state would be like picking on a lame dog.

No Casey and Jean Kasem. Not even a pre-recorded pitch.

No Michael DeBakey tribute. I thought that this would have been a shoe-in.

Where’s Charo?

Where’s Julius LaRosa?

For a change, KUSI did not have an afternoon baseball game to soil the festivities. Instead of showing the Telethon live and in its entirety, they play select bits as filler for their local feed. Do they truly believe that weathermen and news anchors have the same knowledge and draw as Jerry Lewis? With all due respect, I don’t watch The Jerry Lewis Telethon in anticipation of seeing meteorologists Dave Scott and Joe Lazura. These guys are on the airwaves every day of the year. Stick with the big guns and leave the pea-shooters to tell us that it will be 72 and sunny every day.

Alison Sweeney should read Gold Star pledges in a thong bikini and high heels.

When all is said and done, the funniest man alive has raised over $2 billion dollars in his fight against muscular dystrophy. Thanks for all of your tireless efforts. I love you, Jerry!


Celine Dion, dere, talking to da’ Jerry Lewis dere.

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Jerry Lewis Telethon Blog: The Final Hour

September 1st, 2008 by Scott Marks

KUSI finally caught up to the power of Ruth Orlando.

If kids want to look at Jerry like he’s a Buddha, let them! Jerry has every reason in the world to be cocky. The secret to finding the cure is doing good stuff.

A few **** pontifications on SHOW PEOPLE!

Good talking on the importance of getting one dollar more!

“Harley David.” Oh, Ed…

If you give Jerry $9 million, you get a wonderful hug. Don’t go to the wrong place. Shop Safeway!

OH, YEAH! CITGO! YEAH!!!

I wonder how Dani feels hearing daddy tell the poster child that he loves her as much as his daughter.

WOW! Harold Schaitberger get’s a director’s chair next to JL! I’m betting he’ll play Dr. Warfield in the Broadway production of The Nutty Professor.

He got it! HE GOT IT! Mazel Tov, Jerry!

Jerry’s the Soul Man.

How do you like than newcomer O’Dell trying to upstage Jann Carl…

Confetti. It’s official!

Wet eyes, but no cloudburst. It was marvelous.

I’m tired and going to bed.

Until next year, Walk on…

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Jerry Lewis Telethon Blog: Hour 19

September 1st, 2008 by Scott Marks

A clip of Cornell Gunter! WOW! Found dead from a gunshot in his car. Not marvelous!

We did good stuff in Australia.

Ron Lucas, a marvelous man!

Is it my imagination or is the Telethon the only venue around that still employs ventriloquists?

The marvelous family of people at the South Point Hotel, Casino and Spa. They had me at the bowling center.

Jerry couldn’t get his tongue around “Vivaldi.”

Don’t let the tote music step on Joshua’s gorgeous performance.

Fatty Arbuckle meets Max Alexander. Johnny delivers funny Asian dialect humor, too. This guy makes Max Alexander look like Rabalais. How will I get the image of this guy in drag as Edna Turnblad out of my mind?

At last he calls for a “Timpani!”

“Thank God for MDA and Jerry Lewis!” God is indeed good!

Kind of prophetic hearing Ed say, “We’re coming up on the final hour.”

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Jerry Lewis Telethon Blog: Hour 18

September 1st, 2008 by Scott Marks

Jerry and those commie peasant dancers gave me wet eyes!

“STARSHIP! OH MY GOD!” Without missing a beat, Jerry turns his back on the band and begins thumbing through his leather-bound script looking for the next act.

Referring to a pack of stagehands as “300 Polish dentists???”

The purple, pink and green design of this MDA promo piece is a marvelous homage to The Nutty Professor.

I’m really getting off on Ed introducing corporate videos.Watch him turn his head aimlessly after he delivers his line.

Watch how Jerry always looks at the corporate sponsor’s check to make sure they are signed and that the amount matches the verbal pledge.

“A Jew goes to India…”

I don’t like that picture of Augie with Arnold and Doggie Daddy, old man Bush.

A device that translates brain waves into spoken words. Your research dollars at work. Amazing!

For those of you playing along at home, last year’s final tote was $63.8 million.

This is the kid who’ll play the lead in the Broadway version of The Nutty Professor? I like the suit! Why doesn’t he sing We’ve Got a World That Swings?

I need to put together a reel of Ed McMahon cutaways.

So Jerry met both Presidential candidates. I didn’t know where the hell he was going. I was sweating that there wouldn’t be a McCain endorsement. Ambassador Jerry straddled a somewhat pointless line. McCain or Obamam, Jerry will hit the winner up for help. That’s a shock.

What’s that leeching on Ace Young’s ear? Is he auditioning for the Bogart role in the remake of The African Queen?

Moving the Telethon to Australia? Say it ain’t so!

Jerry on reality TV: “I wouldn’t watch that crap.”

Can’t Luke throw in a “Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck?”

Harold Schaitberger putting out a fire in the audience. Hahahahaha!

Even Jerry hates the canned tote board music. It’s crappier than reality TV.

I had to go back and study the credits:

“Special Written Material

Jerry Lewis”

“Security Director for Mr. Lewis

Brian Dellow”

“Assistant to Jerry Lewis

Chris Lewis, Anthony Lewis, Scott Lewis, Dani Lewis, Penny Rice, etc.”

“Credential Coordinator

Jennifer Lopez”

“Production Staff to Jerry  Lewis

Sam Lewis, Danielle Sara Lewis, Wendi Tolkin-San George, Debi Weldon”

“Milwaukee Harley Davidson Remote Segment Producer

Spike Jones, Jr.”

“MDA expresses profound gratitude to the management and staffs of the public spirited television and radio stations which comprise the 2008 ‘LOVE NETWORK.’”

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Jerry Lewis Telethon Blog: Hour 17

September 1st, 2008 by Scott Marks

MDA.org feed is repeating the Gary Lewis and the Playboys segment from last year’s ‘Thon.

Jerry’s back, tie is loosened. Marvelous!

The 5 Browns - Don’t get excited, John. They’re hot, but they’re Mormons.

Telling two doctors to “get back to the lab and do something!” Jerry goofing on “esteemed clinician and tireless researcher” Dr. Stanley ‘Stoneface’ Appel is **** Jerry.

The Supreme Tall Cedar George Morgan. Marvelous! When he presents Jerry with a final check for $400,000 Jerry says, “That’s it?”

Dr. Stanley Appel (left) and Lynn & Augie Nieto

Augie Nieto is the new Bob Sampson. What a heartbreaker.

Lotta’ dupa acts originating from Milwaukee this year. Isn’t Celine DIon from Milwaukee? She had better be back. I can’t stand her singing, but I can listen to her speak for days.

Instead of standing behind a podium, Ed’s so frail that they park him in the audience.

I predict that next year Harold Schaitberger will be promoted to co-host. This cat’s getting more Telethon time than Ed!

It’s marvelous that the letter carriers are still with Jerry.

When did Jerry do away with the “Timpani!”call? The tote board fanfare sounds canned.

Traci Lord…oh, more hillbilly crap from Tracy Lawrence. TURN IT OFF!!!

Where are the Trump stiffing Ed jokes? There’s only 3 hours left. C’mon, Jerry! And I want that goddamned Michael DeBakey tribute, too!!!

Alison’s testimonial comparing soap operas and weight-loss TV shows to the horrors of neuro-muscular disease could be the biggest laugh this side of Ruth Orlando. This is precisely why I study the Telethon. Marvelous x 1,000!!!

And Jerry’s right. Once is not enough for Billy Gilman. Flip him over!

Jerry and the cherry Tootsie Pop = Marvelous! He should pull a Center of the World with Alison.

Phew! That was a fertile hour! It’ll be hard to top.

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Jerry Lewis Telethon Blog: Hour 15

September 1st, 2008 by Scott Marks

My hero, Luke Christie, the Curly Howard of Jerry’s Kids!

Norm stands between two of the whitest chicks in all God’s creation and says, “I feel like an Oreo cookie.”

It’s time to throw programming over to the “little people.” The Raggs Band: Bad animal costumes and a chorus that hammers “What’s the dealy-o.” It’s too early for this s–t. I need pharmaceutical coffee.

Come on, Jerry. WAKE UP!!!

Norm got off a “marvelous!” It’s infectious.

The refuse to keep Alison Sweeney on screen long enough for me to fill the boot.

Dig A Hole: Rocco A. Celeste, MDA regional director, firefighter

Nancy O’Dell: “Yeah, lots of talent in the room, Norm.” Dig it!

I don’t know where the hell the KUSI feed is. All I know is that it’s my first sighting of a Supreme Tall Cedar. Why didn’t I ever wear this costume on Halloween? Where does one get their hands on a supreme do-rag?

Ruth Orlando cutaway came out of left field. Who knew Tony Orlando’s mother was still alive?

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