Martin Scorsese: “Precious” should be in 3-D!
February 28th, 2010 by Scott Marks
Mary’s frying Pans Comin’ at Ya’!
As always, He is right. “Precious” should be remade in 3-D AND Cinerama, AND Sensurround, AND dye transfer Technicolor, AND audio enhancing Three Stooges sound effects!
Anything but Smell-O-Rama.
What I wouldn’t give to be seated next to Scorsese during His private audience with “Precious.” His eyes must have bled.
It all started when Marty told AP entertainment reporter Jake Coyle, “We see in depth, for the most part. We go to the theater - it’s in depth. Why couldn’t a film like `Precious’ be in 3-D? It should be…I’d love to do one. It just seems natural that we’d be going in that direction. It’s going to be something to look forward to, but to be used interestingly.”
If you are going to stereoscopically reinvent “Precious,” you had better add an extra D.
Let’s clarify one piece of Marty’s sagacity. “Why couldn’t a film like ‘Precious’ be in 3-D?” “A film like ‘Precious,’” meaning a small, low budget, independent form of personal expression or an amateurish piece of exploitation? Think what you will, I know the answer.
Precious’ Polarized Pig’s Feet!
Marty should go back and digitally reimagine all of his films with “Precious” in mind. “Who’s That Running Down These Mean Streets Holding a Bucket of Chicken?,” “Boxcar Big Bertha,” “Gabby Doesn’t Live Here Anymore,” “Raging Precious,” “Africanamerican,” “Tondun” and “Bringing out the Dinner” could only improve under the meaty catechism that is “Precious.”
Before you fill the comments section with accusations that it’s beneath me to make fun of Gabby’s girth, may I direct your attention to last Sunday’s “Precious”-a-Thon on the TV Guide Channel. “Director” Lee Daniels was interviewed numerous times and on each occasion he referenced his lead character’s expanse. “Who thought that anyone would go to see a film about a 350 pound woman?” or “I never thought I could find someone to invest in a movie about a 400 pound woman” were just two of his comments. At one point Daniels spoke to reporters with Gabby and the cast behind him. When he mentioned Precious’ paunch, Gabby stopped him and said, “I don’t weigh that much!” If Daniels can repeatedly humiliate his star by constantly drawing attention to her vastness, who am I to back down from a few cheap potshots like this photo of the world’s largest human pool table:
Right ball off the left cushion and into the center pocket.
In any other year I would have pegged Lee Daniels as the Academy’s choice for best director of the year. Not because he deserves the award, or any award for that matter. It’s time the old White Boy’s Club got around to gifting a person of color with a statuette, but this year they are going to make amends to another minority by bestowing their prestigious keepsake on a woman by making Kathryn Bigelow Oscar’s first trophy bride.
Sure wish Marty would have pegged “Inglorious Basterds” for a 3-D reboot instead of “Precious.” He could have dubbed it “The Last Waltz II.”
Tags: 3-D, Cinerama, Gabby Sidibe, Gabourey Gabby Sidibe, Gabourey Sidibe, Martin Scorsese, precious, Precious 3-D, Precious movie, Sensurround, The Three StoogesFiled Under Rants
Of Sports and Cinema WGN Style!
February 25th, 2010 by Scott Marks
It should come as no surprise that my hatred of sports is as deeply rooted as my love of cinema. I wish I could say that I never went to a sporting event, but wrestling matches notwithstanding, I can count the number of games I’ve attended in person on two hands.
Visits to Chicago’s Wrigley Field with Adventure Day Camp were an annual burden. I liked it better when it rained and we took refuge in the Riviera Theatre to watch “Snow White and the Three Stooges.” Apart from a few trips to Wrigley mandated by adult supervisors I’ve witnessed exactly one football, basketball and hockey event each.
I’d rather watch Tarkovsky movies without subtitles.
Before earning my learner’s permit allowed access to every movie house in town, WGN was my home theater. Theirs was the best movie package in Chicago. They held the syndicated rights to all the Warner Bros., MGM, Fox, Universal and United Artists features, including the Warner’s cartoons and a trick deal that netted them not only Columbia’s Three Stooges shorts, but “Clutch Cargo” as well..
Sports and cinema collided in my mind thanks to Chicago’s Very Own WGN-TV. Professional sports was, and still is, a big money maker for WGN, yet the miserly bastards won’t even stop three hours on Labor Day for a charitable cause. What did they care about movies?
By the 1970s, they had run their 16mm film library into the ground while the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field became home to state of the art video equipment. The gate of their film chain had more dirt than a dugout and the station’s print of “North by Northwest” contained so many black bars it appeared to have been filmed from inside a jail cell. Many of their old Deluxe prints had turned redder than Bozo’s nose.
WGN timed commercial breaks to the mili-second. It was a science with them. Films shown before 10:30 pm were trimmed to fit the schedule. In order to accommodate a two-and-a-half hour time slot, five minutes of Leo McCarey’s 125 minute “An Affair to Remember” were missing from every telecast. For years I agonized over what was kept from me. A 35mm print at the Davis Theater set my mind to rest. For once they were right. The boys at 2501 W. Bradley Place wisely excised the insufferable Boy’s Choir sequences.
Continue reading Of Sports and Cinema WGN Style!
Tags: Chicago Cubs, Creature Features, Frazier Thomas, Garfield Goose, The Three Stooges, wgn chicago, WGN-TV, When Movies Were MoviesFiled Under Rants
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