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Gary Glitter to be released from prison this month

August 5th, 2008 by Scott Marks

Gary Glitter on his way to Thu Doc prison in 2005

Glam rocker Gary Glitter is the only entertainer to spend more time in Viet Nam than Bob Hope. While Bob’s biggest sin was holding an audience of bored G.I.’s captive for 90 minutes, Gary spent three years in the Thu Duc prison for committing obscene acts with two girls, ages 10 and 11.

In 1999, the British Pop Star was listed as a sex offender after he was convicted of having downloaded 4,000 images of child porn to his computer. He tried in vain to keep his recording career going, but the public wasn’t in the market for the song stylings of a convicted child molester. Vincent LaGuardia Gambini Sings Just for You sold more copies than anything Glitter offered.

In 2002, Glitter was suspected of sexually abusing minors and permanently exiled from Cambodia. According to the Bangkok Post, Glitter, whose real name is Paul Francis Gadd, was accused of kissing, fondling and “engaging in other physical acts” with the girls at his rented villa. Continue reading Gary Glitter to be released from prison this month

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Study Guide to BOB HOPE: THE VIETNAM YEARS (1964 – 1972) - Part 2

September 18th, 2007 by Scott Marks

THE BOB HOPE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (1965)

Starring: Jack Jones, Joey Heatherton (G-r-r-r-r-r-r!), the foul and obnoxious Kaye Stevens, queer-baiter extraordinaire Anita Bryant, Jerry Colona, The Nicholas Brothers (no doubt replacing John Bubbles), Miss USA, Peter Leeds (isn’t that where Bob got in trouble?), Les Brown & his Band of Renown, special guest star Carroll Baker (Freeze Frame: Ch.1 / 01:27) and unbilled cameos from Eddie Fisher, John Bubbles and boy-lover Cardinal Spellman.

Total incidents of Bing Crosby bashing: 2

Total Gratuitous Les Brown Mentions: 2

Chicken Delight Mention: 1

It opens with a record-breaking Crosby dig a scant 17 seconds in!!!

Anita Bryant crosses herself and genuflects when she gets off the plane and sees Bob. The Power of Hope compels her.

The show opens in Udorn, Thailand: Bob genuflects before Gen. Stillwell.

Beware the deceptive dancing green scratch on Mr. Hope’s personal 16mm print and Bob’s carefully calculated out of synch opening monologue. Duffers may view them as just cause to cast snarky aspersions. In truth, this is one of the earliest recorded examples of Mr. Hope’s uncanny ability to violate and interfere with viewers’ thought patterns. Do not stare too long at the emulsion scratch lest you be hurled into an absolute state of spasmodic sublimation.

Don Muang Air Base: “Let’s bring back the girls, HEY!” Five women Bob loves (loved?) parade past the horny soldiers flashing the finest in haute Hope couture. After Bob drills them, the gals take turns stepping to and from the microphone dispensing jabs like, “Bob promised to take me to the Far East where I’d meet men with a lot of pull. He wasn’t lying. He introduced me to 7 rickshaw drivers.”

Korat: “I wanna’ tell ya’ ladies and gennlemen…”

Saigon: Troop is met by B-I-G mouth Maggie Raye (“the Elsie Janis of the Far East”) and professional shill, as well as “the serviceman’s favorite disc jockey” and future Honorary Mayor of Hollywood, Johnny Grant.

“You never can tell with these commies. Last night I knelt down to say my prayers and a voice from under the bed said, ‘rotsa’ ruck.’”

Gen. Westmoreland brings everybody down with some sobering military statistics.

The crowd cheered and one soldier waved a rebel flag as the General received kisses from all the girls.

After the show Bob & Bill phonetically greet the Prime Minister of Nam, NOO-YEN-COW-KEY and his lovely missus. They gift Bob with a vase, no doubt Made in Japan.

A Texas cat box: Cam Ranh Bay. Bob jokingly rubs their faces in s*it: “I don’t know what you guys did to get here, but let that be a lesson to you!”

Sketch time with nurse Kaye Stevens, Peter Leeds pushing the gurney, Dr. Colona and a “wounded” Hope.

Chu Lai: Carroll Baker, the sexiest gal in pictures, right here!

Les Brown in saddle shoes picks 5 gobs to come up on stage and join in the symbolic Watusi gang rape of Joey Heatherton.

Nha Trang: Kaye Stevens peels off long, white opera gloves while doing a mock striptease to a jazzy version of Take Me Out to the Ballgame. There wasn’t a dry thigh in the house.

Bob introduces Miss USA as only he can: “With things like this around I can’t understand why Uncle Sam wants you guys.”

“Say, how do you like this, honey?”

She won the Miss USA title because things were stacked in her favor.

Without batting an eye Bob asks, “Diana, what are your measurements?” Why not inquire whether she swallows or spits?

With four other beauties in attendance, Miss USA asks Bob why he needed her. “It’s just habit. I have a spare tire in my trunk, too.”

Guam: Fayard & Harold Nicholas in their Sansabelts put Bob through the motions.

In lieu of a Christmas bonus, Bob gave each member of the crew a chance to be seen by millions on television.

Once again Anita Bryant led the crowd in a chorus of Silence = Death.

Sadly, comedy titans Butch & Stumpy, Peter Leeds’ “great monologue” and even Colona didn’t make the final cut.

V.O.

…We played to all kinds of audiences. These two Vietnamese orphans have a price on their heads. They turned in a Cong battalion. They had a reason. Their mother and father were murdered by the VC before their young eyes. The 101st Division adopted them and gave them uniforms and security. Because they’re wanted by the Cong…You hear a few people say ‘Get out of Vietnam.’ Here’s some of our kids getting out the hard way. You get a feeling of humility when you walk through these wards and say hello to them…We heard none of them complain. It was a king-size study in courage…We want to thank the Defense Department and the USO for the privilege of meeting some wonderful kids, kids who seem to be a lot more optimistic about this commitment than a lot of our citizens here at home. In their everyday job of fighting this treacherous war they know there’s no alternative. They know that in this shrinking world, the perimeter of war is boundless. They know that if they backed off from this fight it would leave all of Asia like a big cafeteria for the Communists to go in and pick up a country at a time. There are no reservations in their dedication. Our fighting men have confidence in the decisions of their leaders. It’s hard for them to hear the rumblings of peace over the gunfire, but when peace comes, they’ll welcome it for nothing would bring them greater joy than to bring the gift of freedom to the people of Vietnam. Until then, they’re ready to lay down their lives because they know how lucky we are to be Americans and how very much we have to protect. It made us proud we could share our Christmas with them.

George Bush couldn’t have said it better.

No closing credits on this one. Good night, ladies and gennlemen.

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Study Guide to BOB HOPE: THE VIETNAM YEARS (1964 – 1972) - Part 1

September 11th, 2007 by Scott Marks

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Study Guide to BOB HOPE: THE VIETNAM YEARS (1964 – 1972)

Distributor: R2 Entertainment — 3 DVDs

Running Time: 560 min.

Special Features: None, unless you count Miss World

Q: What do a round of golf in his backyard and all the women Bob Hope brought overseas have in common?

A: With the exception of Phyllis Diller, Old Ski Nose was always guaranteed of having 9 holes to play.

For decades, America’s National Treasure/Violently Insane Psychopath Bob Hope would capitalize on whatever war was being waged at the time by going overseas, “entertaining” our boys and coming back to Burbank to turn it all into a profit-making prime time NBC extravaganza. Hey, how ‘bout that fascism for cash, huh?

While his poor wife Clitoris sat out every Christmas at home with their adopted children, Bob was off in some air conditioned Quonset hut banging starlets.

Most people under the age of 90 are quick to turn their noses up at Mr. Hope’s post-1960 TV work. I swear by it! From the opening monologue’s jarring insert shots of a sniggering Bob to the flagrant dependency on cue cards to the rehearsed spontaneity of his closing salutations, this crap continues to keep me laughing. Not at any of Bob’s intentional jokes, mind you. I’m in it for satirical contempt.

Forget about quality on television. That s*it went out with Playhouse 90. As Fran Liebowitz said, “If your going to watch TV, watch TV.” The brain-numbing insincere sincerity of Bob’s closing monologues, his vocal inflections and Les’ soft, slowed-down version of Thanks for the Memories playing underneath, are worth hours and hours of contemplation. I have included precise extracts for your perusal.

Grab your putter as I disrespectfully submit a Study Guide to 11 hours worth of Bob Hope: The Vietnam Years (1964 – 1972) on the installment plan, right here!

Continue reading Study Guide to BOB HOPE: THE VIETNAM YEARS (1964 – 1972) - Part 1

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